by Wendy Strgar June 02, 2010
Kindness is the greatest wisdom. This is the only lesson that I have managed to stay 100% consistent while raising my four children. When they were little, I paid more attention to how their arguments were fought and resolved than the housekeeping. For me, the feelings and connection between the family reigned supreme. Having grown up in a household that was divisive and lonely, creating a home of kindness was my single most important mission. It provided the ground for the rest of my life.
Childhood is a jungle. Becoming yourself both in physical stature and personal character through the tumultuous teen years is nothing short of heroic. My younger children are struggling with the issues that plagued their older siblings years ago, when the biggest concern for them was finding the missing Lego or who had the last string cheese. Moving onto the serious business of first crushes and surging hormones creates emotional drama that no one is quite prepared for.
I have seen all this at least once before, but the younger kids don’t want my advice, not when they have their older siblings to go to. As I watched them pair off, the brothers together on my older son’s bed, the younger brother in tears, listening for any direction about his breaking heart, I remembered all the days of training, and sometimes yelling- “The only thing I demand of you is to be nice. There will be plenty of people who will point to what is wrong out there, but here in this home, there is nothing wrong with anyone.” Sometimes they had to go to their room until they remembered how to be kind.
Tonight was a living example of what matters most to me at home. Without any prodding on my part, in fact, with a protective arm shielding my gaze, my kids were the big brother and sister that everyone dreams of having. Beyond the tolerance that sometimes squeaks by for kindness at home, tonight they all experienced the depth of compassion and tenderness for each other that a mother dreams she will pass on through the daily practice.
When they were little, some of their teachers would pull me aside and say they had never seen siblings so watchful and kind to each other. It is still my greatest achievement, cultivating kindness that will guide them and hold them together, long after I am gone.
by Wendy Strgar May 17, 2018
It becomes hard to trust your own thinking when nothing seems to be working. The space between how I thought it would go and how it is going seems to widen in front of my eyes. Maybe most difficult of all is how often the undesirable outcomes around us spill over into our relationships, both at home and at work. An errant comment too easily turns into an argument. I become blind to my impact on people around me, caught up in the unresolved problems surrounding me. During times like these, we often underestimate the power of the choices we make and how it can create a path back towards what’s working or down the slippery slope of self-destruction, which my husband affectionately calls “flirting with the gutter.”
Here is my short list to making it better when it isn’t working at all. Each one helps you do the next one, so start at the beginning and work your way down.
by Wendy Strgar May 03, 2018
by Wendy Strgar April 26, 2018