by Wendy Strgar August 13, 2010
I built my life around making a tribe that I belong to, and like most things in life, now I am often overcome by the power of my intention. Belonging is essential and also exacts a cost. Sometimes the cost feels excessive; sometimes the belonging is everything. The key is being able to hold them both simultaneously, even when one or the other threatens to overwhelm. The practice is not unlike holding what is annoying and loveable about the people in our tribe.
It is easy to get lost on one side or the other. Like tonight when my full clan descended into the small travel head quarters at Embassy Suites. The kids aren’t kids anymore and it isn’t just their physical size that takes up so much room. They each have very distinct personalities, behavioral ticks, emotional struggles and a unique sense of humor. Mostly we live in peace together, but it is tenuous. One person’s momentary bad mood can easily be misinterpreted and before long an argument erupts out of nowhere.
Our boundaries and sense of personal distance is habitual at home. We know where and when we can enter each others’ space and there is usually room left over. But here in the confines of a double suite, there is barely room to walk. Trying to direct these multiple personalities is like herding cats. There is no direction but surrender .
Surrender can either be letting go or learning to embrace. I am going for the path of largess these days. I am trying to embrace the out-of-control, immediacy of having my once sweet little kids near me as they grow into their adult selves one precarious day at a time. Even when I want to run screaming from the room, my urge to relating and creating a tribe always seems to win.
I say it over and over again, some days to convince myself, some days because I know it like I know my heart beats: at the end of my days, this surrender and loving embrace of these people in my tribe will be all that I will have to hold onto.
by Wendy Strgar May 17, 2018
It becomes hard to trust your own thinking when nothing seems to be working. The space between how I thought it would go and how it is going seems to widen in front of my eyes. Maybe most difficult of all is how often the undesirable outcomes around us spill over into our relationships, both at home and at work. An errant comment too easily turns into an argument. I become blind to my impact on people around me, caught up in the unresolved problems surrounding me. During times like these, we often underestimate the power of the choices we make and how it can create a path back towards what’s working or down the slippery slope of self-destruction, which my husband affectionately calls “flirting with the gutter.”
Here is my short list to making it better when it isn’t working at all. Each one helps you do the next one, so start at the beginning and work your way down.
by Wendy Strgar May 03, 2018
by Wendy Strgar April 26, 2018