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Loving the Difficult (Mother)
A few weeks ago I started to feel a heaviness in my lungs that I was sure was pneumonia. I felt run down and my throat got irritated. I will be so sick in a few days, I thought, but then I wasn’t. I felt fine again. My mom called to tell me she had pneumonia.
I don’t believe anything spookier than coincidence happened here, except that it reminded me of what an intimate connection I still have...
3 Ways to Mother Yourself this Mother’s day
“The simple act of being completely attentive and present… is an act of love, and it fosters unshakeable well-being.” Sharon Salzberg
Mother’s Day has always been a difficult holiday for me. As a daughter who struggled most of my life with my mother’s lackluster attention for me and as a mother who overcompensated for all the things I longed for in childhood but was often overwhelming for my own...
Day 130: Being a Mother
“Life is the fruit she longs to hand you, ripe on a plate. And while you live, relentlessly she understands you.”~Phyllis McGinley
I have four remarkable children. Becoming a mother to each of them has taught me more about how love changes you from the inside out than anything else in my life. In the twenty plus years of celebrating mother’s day with my children, I have often struggled with...
Luanne Rice On “What My Mother Gave Me”
Author Luanne Rice, shares how her mother provided inspiration and guidance for her.
Help make pregnancy safer for women everywhere with Every Mother Counts
During May, Good Clean Love is donating 10% of proceeds from web sales to Every Mother Counts. Founded by Christy Turlington, Every Mother Counts is a non-profit organization dedicated to making pregnancy and childbirth safer for women everywhereby providing education and resources. More than 300,000 women die every year during pregnancy and childbirth. Every Mother Counts is working to change...
5 things every mother-to-be needs to know about BV
Two in five women have Bacterial Vaginosis (BV), but 84% of those don’t know they have it.
In fact, it is the most common form of vaginal infection, yet not many people know about it.
BV occurs when the normal balance of good bacteria is overtaken by certain types of harmful bacteria. It is often misdiagnosed as thrush or as a yeast infection. Common symptoms include a fishy odor around the...
Positivity Again: Mothers (Every) Day
The best things that ever happened to me in my life, occurred on the birth days of my four children; although I might not have admitted to it immediately post labor. Becoming a mother and growing into the kind of mother I always wished I had, has been the most essential healing journey of my life. Lest I paint some overly rosy glow of the challenges and frustrations of raising children, let me say...
Mothering Ourselves
“Motherhood has a very humanizing effect. Everything gets reduced to essentials.” -Meryl Streep
If you haven’t yet seen the replay of Kevin Durant dedicating his MVP award to his mother, I urge you to look for this rare, heartfelt tribute to mothering. The selflessness that this NBA star demonstrates for those who have held him up is a direct testament to the loving embrace in which his mother...
Postpartum Washing: 5 Things Every New Mother Should Know
If you’ve just given birth, it’s natural that your own hygiene is not your top priority. However, postpartum infection, also called puerperal infection, is not uncommon, especially if delivery was difficult. Good postpartum washing is key to prevention.
Here’s what you need to know
These infections are bacterial, and they begin when bacteria on your body (or on delivery doctors) begin to...
A Mother’s Day
“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.” ~Washington Irving
The...
Making Peace in Mothering
“A mother is not a person to lean on but a person to make leaning unnecessary.” -Dorothy C. Fisher
For me, Mother’s Day has always been a mixed experience. As a daughter in a long line of wounded mothers, I have long struggled to reconcile myself with the painful history that I inherited. Learning to accept the mothering that I got and all that I didn’t was the foundation on which I built my own...
A Mother's Point of View
Mother’s Day is a celebration honoring the mother of the family, as well as motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society.
In the first few weeks of May, the grocery stores are filling up with “I Love My Mom” balloons and flowers that are bundled together with “Happy Mother’s Day” ribbons. It’s that time of year again— when every son and daughter is on the hunt for that perfect gift to give their moms.
We interviewed Wendy Strgar, founder, and CEO of Good Clean Love as ...
The Opening Door- Show 52: Eliza and Sil Reynolds, Mothering & Daughtering
The relationship to our mother is our first and it shapes many of our most intimate connections. When the relationship breaks down as it often does in the teen years, the cascading impact of disconnection is deep and profound. Don’t miss the wisdom and heartfelt inspiration of this mother daughter team, Sil and Eliza Reynolds. Learning how to be proactive about keeping a strong bond through...
Reduced to Essentials
“Mother’s love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ” ~Erich FrommI have been a mother for most of my adult life. I often say that my children are my one great work in this life. Although I take precautions to not live life vicariously, I know that my life is more often a reflection of them than it is of me on many days. Whether through text messages, or my own internal...
May 2021 Partner: Moms Rising Together
We are proud to support Mom’s Rising Together, a transformative on-the-ground and online multicultural organization of more than a million members and over a hundred aligned organizations working to increase family economic security, to end discrimination against women and mothers, and to build a nation where both businesses and families can thrive.
Day 24: Learning Forgiveness
“Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all people love poorly. We need to forgive and be forgiven every day, every hour increasingly. That is the great work of love among the fellowship of the weak that is the human family.”
-Henri J.M. Nouwen
I am faced with the discrepancy of what I teach about love and how well I practice it every...
Sil & Eliza Reynolds on Action Verbs
Sil & Eliza Reynolds, authors of the book “Mother & Daughtering” shares insights on how to foster open communication. Visit TheOpeningDoor.org Saturday at 9am PST to listen to the full interview.
Life That Works: Friends of All Ages
“It takes a long time to become young.” -Pablo Picasso
Maybe one of the most rewarding aspects of being a mother of four kids who span a decade is that I have always had the opportunity to know and love the friends of my kids. I am a Jewish mother that has enough mother in her for a hundred kids; many kids could use a second or third mother looking out for them. These kids like that I love to love...
Four Benefits of Breastfeeding
August was declared National Breastfeeding Month by the United States Breastfeeding Committee. Breastfeeding has been a controversial topic as mothers are expressing their right to publically breastfeed. Mothers who are able to breastfeed want to do what their bodies are intended to do rather than teach the baby to break off of the tata’s just to satisfy others. Many people do not realize how important it is to breastfeed, not only for the baby but for the mother as well.
Raising Kindness
The truth is that being a mother has shaped me into the best version of myself. It was a role that I thrived on. My relationships with my children have become the most intimate and complex that I have cultivated in my life. It is hard for me to imagine who I might feel closer to than them.
Why We Have Breasts
“The moment she had laid the child to the breast both became perfectly calm.” -Isak Dinesen
I never fully understood my breasts until a couple of days after the birth of my first baby. I was in the tub learning how to express milk, being coached by my friends who were reading aloud from the La Leche League handbook. Literally overnight, my breasts had filled to the size of ripe cantaloupes, the...
Michelangelo Effect
“Love isn’t an emotion or an instinct–it’s an art.” -Mae West
Done with conviction and commitment, the way great artists approach their masterpieces, our loving relationships sculpt us into the highest and best form of ourselves. This is their only job and their highest purpose. Through love we entrust our loved ones to mirror and elicit from us the aspirations and values that we have expressed...
What My Father Taught Me About Love
My father has always been a quiet, introspective man. Though he says little, the things he says say a lot. His presence around the words he chooses to speak say even more.
But my father is a lot more than just quiet and introspective. He’s generous. He’s kind. He’s hardworking and he’s curious about the world. Ever a reader, my father, for as long as I can remember, spends his evenings after...
Positivity Reinvents Us: In Ashes
I came to celebrate my mother’s 75thBirthday. I was committed to not making it worse. I was just aiming for 5% better. The thing about letting go of the past is that you have to be willing to experience the emotions to release them. Anything else is a lie, a cover-up, a turning away. I came to let go of the past and be with my mother as she is. I wanted also to apologize for the disrespect and...
Ask the Loveologist: Healing Sex Addictions
Stanley Siegel, author of Your Brain on Sex and editor of psychologytomorrowmagazine.comis the definitive expert on how our sexual fantasies are either the doorway to our deepest healing or the prison of a life out of control. Recently, he shared a story about one of his therapy clients. Stanley writes: “If we can achieve authenticity by aligning our sexual behavior with our fantasies and desires,...
Positivity Reinvents Us: Feeling What Is Ours
I am trying to learn how to stop feeling my children’s feelings. Today at the end of a challenging basketball game, which our side lost, I was working vigilantly to bear witness to my daughter’s frustration without feeling it. When I mentioned that I was trying to stop feeling my daughter’s feelings to another mother, she said: “Good luck- let me know how that works for you…” I am not alone in...
A Pain in the Butt
Our physical pain gives voice to all that we refuse to hear and say. On a recent visit with my mother, our emotional truce was based on an agreement to not say our real feelings or expect to be heard or understood. Before her arrival, I was convinced that I was over my need for anything from her. A couple of days into the visit, I slipped on icy stairs and fell squarely on my butt...
Beginning Again
“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities; in the expert’s mind there are few.” Shunryu Suzuki.
There is a concept I learned while my kids were in Montessori educationcalled scaffolding—a technique that is reflected in the goals of learn it, do it and then teach it. In this way, the student comes back to the same material in a natural spiral, each time the student is able to add to...
Positivity in Action: The Grace of Why
Today in the grocery store, I shared a real conversation with one of the mothers I knew in the years that my eldest son was consumed for a love of tennis. I knew her son had been present at the accident when the two boys from South were swept into the ocean but I hadn’t heard about how the event had changed his life until today. Old friendships between mothers are re-kindled easily in the freezer...
Stop the Cutting
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” -Margaret Mead
The deep abiding mistrust of female sexuality makes the world go round. For us in the West, we know this space as an inability to orgasm, the loss of desire and the fear of getting too close. But in the cultures that make up Africa and the Middle...
Day 165: Some Assembly Required
I bought a gas grill today. I have wanted one for at least three summers, with each passing year, the charcoal process seemed to take longer and get easier to avoid. On Mother’s Day I bartered away a Mother’s Day brunch for the grill. Then it started to rain and one thing lead to another, the grill never transitioned from the space in my imagination to take a spot on the back deck.
It was a...
A Lack of Lubrication
Question:
For the past month or so every time my husband and I have sex I can’t cum. What is wrong with me? There’s always a lack of natural lubrication. We also have a 3-month-old baby. Thanks.
–Melissa, 31, NM
Answer:
As a sexuality educator for Good Clean Love I get lots of questions about vaginal lubrication. Lots of women and their partners find vaginal lubrication rather enigmatic — and...
What We Say in a Kiss
“A kiss that speaks volumes is seldom a first edition.” -Claire Whiting
Kissing is not only an important art form in intimacy, but also and more importantly a form of conversation. It can act like a comma, an exclamation or a question mark, but rarely is it as misunderstood as our spoken language. What we tell our partners with our kisses, their frequency, their depth, their vulnerability is...
Everything You Need to Know About Breastfeeding and Postpartum Vaginal Dryness
Breastfeeding is part two of the miracle of pregnancy: Not only can your body make another person, it can also make food for that person. For some new mothers, though, breastfeeding comes with vaginal dryness that can be itchy or even painful – and the condition can be especially severe for women who are exclusively breastfeeding (EBF).
Day 162: Setting Boundaries
“Your boundaries are the measure of your friendship with yourself.”
An old friend once told me that your boundaries are the truest measure of how you love yourself. I thought I understood the meaning at the time. Raising four children should have bestowed on me a mastery of setting limits and protecting my personal space over the last two decades. It hasn’t. I realized that the places where...
Gratefully Listening to My Pain
I have been living with a new level of pain recently. Something in my cervical vertebrae has pinched some nerves that feed my left arm and hand and there are moments that it takes my full concentration to pay attention to anything else. Nerve pain is unique in that it does any number of things to seemingly disassociated limbs. Shooting pains, heaviness, tingling, aching all dance around each...
Reigniting pleasure
I spent last weekend with hundreds of new mothers and their babies at the Mommycon Chicago conference. I was invited to talk about Sex that Works, my new book about sex after pregnancy and the intimacy problems involved. I was greeted by over 50 mothers and just about as many babies. The conference was geared towards the practice of attachment parenting, an ancient practice the world over where...
My Mom the Loveologist
Listen to Wendy talk with her children about what life has been like with a a mother who makes love products and calls herself a loveologist. Listen to how love is distilled through the generations and they generously share their best advice about relationships in families. Understand the work of boundaries – what works and doesn’t from the perspective of teens. Witness the emotional intelligence...
Day 94: Pangs of Jealousy
“Jealousy… is a mental cancer.” –B.C. Forbes
Jealousy is a sneaky emotion that catches me off guard. I usually don’t see it coming and often, I must reflect quickly to find where my feelings of warmth and love turn bitter with envy. I believe that joy and pleasure shared doubles it, and usually feel gratified by the successes of my friends. When it comes over me I have learned to look for the...
Day 111: The Manual
“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.” William James
Here I am over 100 days into this positivity quest and I find myself still reaching for the book that started it all, Barbara Fredrickson’s book Positivity. Whenever the weight of the world ignites my negativity bias, her book is the manual that helps me to re-think my...
Day 90: The Breath of Life
“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature – trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence… We need silence to be able to touch souls.” Mother Teresa
The most important experiences that I have now are the ones in which I am able to find in dynamic stillness....
Positivity Reinvents Us: There is Only Through
The only way out is through. I am not the first to say it and tonight it was my wise son who reminded me what I have always taught him and his siblings: that it is only with the courage to communicate and willingness to become vulnerable that releases us from our past injuries. It is an active process, this letting go, which commits you to becoming emotionally intelligent. Learning to recognize...
Ask the Loveologist: Losing Our Sexual Connection
I am 32, loving wife, mother of one gorgeous boy and 12 weeks pregnant. I’m desperate because I feel so incredibly sad that I’m struggling to be interested in sex the way I used to be – and I think my husband is the same. This has been an ongoing and increasingly pressing issue even before our son was born. My orgasm has slowly become less and less intense and harder to achieve and quite frankly...
Day 116: Thousands of Hours
“For nothing is fixed, forever and ever… it is not fixed; the earth is always shifting, the light is always changing, the sea does not cease to grind down rock. Generations do not cease to be born, and we are responsible to them because we are the only witnesses they have. The sea rises, the light fails, lovers cling to each other, and children cling to us. The moment we cease to hold each other,...
Day 137: Negativity Blast
“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” -Carl W. Buechner
I have been organizing a 6thgrade basketball team for my youngest daughter this spring. I have seen my fair share of the antics and intensity that accompanies youth sports over many years as my boys have competed at high levels in everything from soccer to tennis to basketball. Today was a...
Positivity Again: Second Life
I have been feeling the resurrection myth coming to life lately. Since my father’s passing, my relationship to him has completely transformed. There is a kindness and gentleness that has not been there in decades. I discovered a box of old photos in his home when I was cleaning it out that he had never shared with me from his childhood. It is easy to get lost in the black and white images of him...