by Wendy Strgar October 29, 2010
In this season of trick or treating, what is really more delectable than a really juicy romp in the hay… ok, well maybe not the hay, but somewhere cozy, exotic or risqué? It isn’t really the candy that makes the holiday memorable, it is the sweetness of surprise and the chance to be someone else for a day that gets you thinking long before the day of what or who you are going to be…Even in adulthood, Halloween is one of the most popular holidays of the year because no one outgrows the urge to instantly transform themselves, to show up as someone else.
When you consider the majority of costumes that are sold for the festivities; (save for the humorous animals and foods that people use to disguise themselves), the majority of people dressing up are going for sexier versions of themselves. And why not? It is unfortunate that we don’t have more designated days to deck ourselves out as our sexiest alter egos. I usually go as a witch, my favorite alter ego that I keep under wraps, but even that is usually sexier than my day-to-day loveology garb, assuming you dig black lips.
One year, when I was nursing a bad oil burn on my neck, my husband and I turned the wound into an elaborate Dracula’s mistress story. It was easy to pull off; we were in a hot and sexy cycle. Keeping those cycles going year after year is all about learning to tap into the sexy spaces lurking inside each of us more regularly than the occasional sanctified dress up holiday. Taking the same adventurous spirit of Halloween dress-up into the bedroom and transforming it into role-playing our desires is one way to keep the make believe going and spice up your intimate life simultaneously. Commitment to bringing our sexy alter egos out of the closet with more regularity is one significant key to keeping the intimate fires roasting.
Role-play is actually a fairly commonly practiced form of sexual foreplay. Giving life to our fantasies in the form of costuming and accessories, even if they never leave the bedroom is a fun and playful way to leap into the abandon that passionate sex demands. Although I tend towards silk and lace, I have long celebrated and promoted the concept of dressing up for intimacy. Just as our clothing choices for other areas of life get us in the mood for work, sleep or play, having a sexual wardrobe to choose from is a great mental transition space and can add a surprising amount of spice to a routine sex life.
The art of pretend is something that most of us lose touch with over the years, which explains why Halloween is one of the most profitable holidays of the year, especially in the adult industry. Imagining oneself as characters from other stories is how we learned about ourselves as children. Remember the multiple forms of imagining that filled your life as a child: from daydreaming to imaginary friends… The truth is that adults don’t lose their capacity for this kind of thinking; we just often lose our access to it…. Except maybe on Halloween.
This year, I invite you to go out on a limb and instead of spending too much money on a costume you will only wear to one event, get something that could transform your favorite private fantasy into a new make believe adventure at least once a month. Watch what happens by adding a little mystery and imagination into the bedroom. It’s way better than the candy….
by Wendy Strgar May 22, 2018
There is no time like long summer nights to cultivate our uniquely, profoundly human capacity for pleasure, especially sexual pleasure. Our pleasure response transforms our relationship to each other and even to life itself. Focusing on pleasure not only changes how we see our opportunities for intimate connection, but also invites us into a deeper relationship with our erotic soul.
by Wendy Strgar May 17, 2018
It becomes hard to trust your own thinking when nothing seems to be working. The space between how I thought it would go and how it is going seems to widen in front of my eyes. Maybe most difficult of all is how often the undesirable outcomes around us spill over into our relationships, both at home and at work. An errant comment too easily turns into an argument. I become blind to my impact on people around me, caught up in the unresolved problems surrounding me. During times like these, we often underestimate the power of the choices we make and how it can create a path back towards what’s working or down the slippery slope of self-destruction, which my husband affectionately calls “flirting with the gutter.”
Here is my short list to making it better when it isn’t working at all. Each one helps you do the next one, so start at the beginning and work your way down.
by Wendy Strgar May 03, 2018