“Sex is… perfectly natural. It’s something that’s pleasurable. It’s enjoyable and it enhances a relationship. So why don’t we learn as much as we can about it and become comfortable with ourselves as sexual human beings because we are all sexual?” –Sue Johanson
There is something deep and primal about the sounds that come from sex. Whether you are with a new partner or with someone you’ve been with for a long time, bringing primordial sounds into your lovemaking is one of the quickest ways to push the boundaries in your sex life. Not only is it fun to hear the purrs, growls, and sighs that come out of us during sexual contact, but it connects us to one another, brings a new level of vulnerability, and also confirms the animal inside all of us. Don’t be afraid of the tiger that exists inside- release it and see how it brings your relationship to a new level of intimacy.
Our sexual voice is generally different from our daily speaking voice. Because it may not always be easy to just let go and start making those sounds, experiment. Try out different ranges in your voice, from the low guttural sounds that erupt deep in your throat to the high-pitched squeals. Also try experimenting with the tenor of your voice… Moving between uncertainty and certainty, even being commanding, carries thrills of its own. To top it off, allow touch and sound to co-mingle and it will undoubtedly surprise you and your partner. Tapping into the erotic sounds we’re capable of brings both people to a new level of vulnerability and intimacy.
I’m embarrassed to admit that it wasn’t until I’d been married for almost 20 years that I gave up repressing the noises that wanted to erupt out of me during sex. Accessing our deepest erotic places can be simple. We are merely tapping into the power of our own voice by exploring the range of sounds we create in the throes of sexual intimacy, as well as getting comfortable uttering dirty words. When you allow yourself permission to access the inherent power that comes from releasing these pent up animalistic sounds, you push all kinds of sexual boundaries.
Perhaps due to the silence and secrecy long associated with our adolescent sexuality, it’s not rare to continue longing for overwhelmingly passionate sexual encounters. Often, as we struggle through adulthood to claim our sexuality, we continue to crave those kinds of encounters but find we have a difficult time asking for what we want. Therefore, there is nothing sexier than giving voice to our desire for pleasure through an authentic aspect of our sexual natures. Taking on the tone and character of a ravished submissive or a dominant boor can offer a surprising and passion-inducing twist, even if they don’t match up with the usual roles in your relationship.
All that being said, it’s common to experience a certain discomfort level when you begin accessing this part of yourself. An easy way to begin is to start with sounds- purrs, growls, or whispers and then experiment with words. For example, a purring sound could easily turn into, “I love the feeling of your fingers on my _________.” Encourage your partner to find words, as well, by asking leading questions such as, “Does this feel good to you?” Or “Did you like that motion on your _____?” You’ll soon find that words that seemed dirty start to feel comfortable in your mouth. This is a rush in and of itself. Allow excitement and anticipation to build as you tell them what you’re going to do to them next. Although many of us were taught to not swear, those “forbidden” curse words can take on an entirely new meaning.
So, as we move into spring, as the weather gets warmer, turn it up a notch with your partner. Release your inhibitions and push your sexual boundaries. Talking dirty isn’t really dirty at all; embodying your erotic potential simply begins by giving it a voice.