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Make-up Sex is the Best Sex!
The times when words don’t work, when you can hardly remember why you keep showing up for your relationship are begging for the best sex you might ever have. It is not the easiest intimacy to initiate because you have to jump over a couple of big egos to get to a place where the wisdom of your body can lead and you have half a chance to find what it is you have been wanting to say or have heard.
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Sex Today
Well, it made it to the front page of most newspapers again today, the governor of New York was caught in a sting of an elite, top priced prostitute ring. On the day before Valentine’s Day, no less. His career in a shambles, “Mr Clean” as he was referred to for his corruption fighting administration has fallen among the rest of us mortals. It probably won’t be the end of his career, I mean after...
Transcendent Sex
I had the weirdest experience while making loveto my partner the other night. I was literally transported out of my body and felt like I was flying and in some other universe entirely. I was connected through him but also barely there. I don’t know how or why it happened and even as I tried to explain it to him, it sounded ridiculous as the words came out of my mouth. Have you ever heard of...
Is it Sex for Love, or Love for Sex?
One of the most significant gaps between genders when it comes to love and sex is the truism that male energy opens to love through sexual connection and female energy is more apt to need love to ignite its sexuality. I remember well a conversation I had with another mother at the playground years...
Differentiated Sex
“Good sex isn’t about just elevating your heart rate — it’s about elevating your heart.” -David Schnarch
The crossroads between our genitals and our neurology turns out to be a super highway. One of the most powerful transformers in the new science of brain re-wiring occurs during deep intimate connection. As some of the mystery of sexual intimacy is revealed through the emerging science of...
Cyber Sex
by Dr. Tammy Nelson
Is it normal to find sex online? In our current technological culture we use cyber connections to create all of our relationships. We use the internet to manage our social lives, meet new people, and develop both emotional partnerships. Why wouldn’t we find sexual relationships online too?
Today the opportunity to use hand held devices, texting, IM’ing and email as ways to...
Q&A: How Much Sex is Enough Sex?
Question:
How many times per week does a couple have sex if they have a healthy sex life? I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years, and we have sex at least 3 times a week. He does not fel like that is enough… sometimes it is more than 3 times. I am not as sexually driven as he is. I am a woman, 41. I feel like what sex drive I do have, he is diminishing when he expects me to want to have...
Conversation or Sex
I read this survey that was included in the Ladies Home Journal the other day asking a wide variety of questions about intimacy and relationships. I was in the doctor’s office with my two teenagers and was sharing the results of the survey with them. The question that still stays with me and shocked them as much as me was. If you had to choose between conversation and sex with your guy for a month...
The Sex Bible
Looking for a Christmas gift that will give you hours of enjoyment? I can heartily recommend this big picture book by Susan Crain Bakos, The Sex Bible. (Yes, you can get them on Good Clean Love). Besides the tasteful full page photographs, the messaging throughout the book supports my belief that sex and love are meant to be the best of friends and that both are greatly enhanced by each other.
Th...
Anal Sex, Oral Sex, and Long-Term Relationships
I visited a friend for a night recently, and as usual we talked about sex. She told me that she and her boyfriend, with whom she has been with monogamously for about a year, started having anal sex after she brought up trying it — she had accidentally seen a butt plug in her roommate’s bedroom, and she had become fascinated by it. My friend wondered whether the butt plug was her roommate’s or her...
Sleep or Sex
This is an ongoing decision/issue for me and my husband, and I think we are not alone. What to do with the exhaustion level that we often bring into our intimate interactions is a significant problem for a growing population. Giving up sex for sleep is a good idea when you are just too tired to imagine sex. But if this becomes the routine, then we lose the powerful source of vitality that comes...
Oral Sex Safety
My teenage daughter has become sexually active recently and in a passing comment she told me that all her friends think that oral sex is the safest sex they could have and that they feel like it doesn’t even count as real sex. What are the health risks associated with oral sex and are there any precautions short of “just say no” that can make a difference?
It is true that many teenagers consider...
Conflicting Sex Drives
I have been with my partner for over ten years. Our sexual relationship has been positive and balanced until this last year when my wife’s sex drive has dropped to almost nothing. I am afraid to even bring up the topic because it just turns the rest of our relationship sour for days. I know that this is not a fidelity issue, but I don’t know what to do. I am not ready to give up my sexual life and...
Sex & Chronic Illness
At first it may not be obvious how sex and chronic illness are related: what context could they possibly share? Yet spend any time at all not feeling well, or worse, and you’ll know intimately how sex and illness both depend completely on the body. And how, paradoxically, when the body is ailing, a desire for pleasure, any desire at all, can feel impossible.
As Wendy has written, “Our body...
Seeking Grateful Sex
“Sex is more than an act of pleasure, it’s the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it’s almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you’re a part of them.” –Unknown
There might not be two words that are better matched side by side than gratitude and sex. What moment more fully embodies gratitude than the deep and...
Sex and Sexology with Jaiya
Reknowned sexual health educator and radio show host of “Sex with Jaiya” joins us today to share her extensive training and sexological body worker training with us. Don’t miss her insights and wisdom from her book Red Hot Touchon incorporating the miraculous capacity of our hands to ignite real passion into lovemaking. Explore the many layers of erogenous zones and listen to her story of...
Sex Education Heals
“Concealment makes the soul a swamp. Confession is how you drain it.” -Charles M. Blow
To my mind, the most powerful reckoning we make in this lifetime is with our sexual selves. Rarely are we privileged to bear witness to this process in others, even our most intimate others. So, when a NY Times columnisthas the courage to disclose how an act of childhood sexual abuse slowly evolved into a...
Is Oral Sex Safe?
My teenage daughter has become sexually active recently and in a passing comment she told me that all her friends think that oral sex is the safest sex they could have and that they feel like it doesn’t even count as real sex. What are the health risks associated with oral sex and are there any precautions short of “just say no” that can make a difference?
It is true that many teenagers consider...
All Kinds of Sex
People have different expectations and experiences and desires about sex. OK, stating the obvious here, but actually what I mean to say is that people in the same bed, in the same sexual experience often have totally different expectations, experiences and desires… Individual preferences are impacted by everything from our personal history to our comfort with our own body- but because language is...
Sex Blogs and Identity
I was recently introduced to one of the prima sex bloggers. A mutual friend sent her some of my writing and she was intrigued. I hadn’t looked at her blog until today when she offered me a handout that she had written about how to become the sex blogger you have always dreamed of. She mentioned some of the bloggers that she liked to read also, so I went exploring and I realized again, why I write...
Sex-Starved Relationships
Here is a good book for any of us who wonder what it would take to improve your relationship. The actual title is “The Sex Starved Marriage” by Michele Weiner Davis, but the content applies to any intimate relationship. I was particularly struck by the section of the book on real giving.
The premise of giving in a relationship is that when you do it, it can’t be based on what you would want or...
Sex Therapy in Yemen
The cover of the Wall St. Journal today had a fascinating article about an Arab sex therapist who is gaining quite a bit of attention (both negative and positive) by combining a correspondence class in Sex Therapy with teachings from the Koran. As an Islamic woman, Mrs Heba Kotb is taking on the gigantic task of “lifting the veil on a touchy subject.” If that is not the understatement of the year…...
When Sex is Love
They feel different, sex and love…but together they are the best. You know it when it is love, the act penetrates deeply to center, something uncovered, released and energy connecting. It transforms energy through flesh, or maybe flesh to energy. Hard to say at that moment.
By itself, sexual acts take us far out of our ordinary mind. They are a departure from the daily in the most visceral of...
How Diet Influences Sex
This isn’t one of those articles that tells you what to eat, or what not to eat, for better sex — there’s already plenty of that on the internet. Instead, this article will explore a few ways our bodies interact with our food, and how these interactions might manifest as more or less interest in sex.
Champions of the Bland
The Victorian era was not a good time for anyone with a sex drive....
Healing Sex Part 1: How Sex Can Heal Us
“If we could heal only one thing in the human experience and it was our relationship to our sexual selves, everything else would heal as a consequence.” -Wendy Strgar
Sex is at the beginning and end of who we are. Indeed, we are each the most profound products of the sexual act, and the more we learn about our fragile, erotic selves, the more obvious it is that this is the center around which...
Better Sex with Exercise
There are a few important things to say about exercise and love. The first is that working hard in strengthening your physical body is a powerful metaphor for the daily stamina it takes to make love sustainable. Feeling physically strong helps to strengthen your ability to respond proactively in stressful situations.
I just recently started exercise (Pilates) classes after many years...
Sex: Not Limited by Age
The New England Journal of Medicine recently reported the results of the largest national survey of Americans between the ages of 57 to 85. The goal of the study was to provide some baseline data on sexuality in later life. Our idea of fading sexuality over the years is misplaced- Of the 3000 people surveyed, three quarters of them were married or living with a partner and three fourths of them...
Your Sex Questions Answered
I am a 55 yr old male. My spouse of 33 yrs have an excellent sex life. My question is lately I have a prolonged erection with no climax. The 15 minute plus sessions without reaching an orgasm are becoming somewhat frustrating and my wife is bagged by the end of the session. Is this normal as a passage of age and what can I do to reach an orgasm?
Delayed ejaculation can be caused by many...
How Sex Cures Us
“The way you make love is the way God will be with you.” -Rumi
Everyone knows the power of makeup sex to sand down the remaining rough edges and offer a soothing balm of acceptance after painful breaks in relationships. Yet, rarely do we consider sexual intimacy as the transformative healing force in dealing with the overwhelming grief that comes with death. It hadn’t really occurred to me...
When Bad Sex Is Normal
“Ultimately, the desire for a deeper human connection always wins out, for both men and women.” Hanna Rosin
One of the questions I’ve been asked a lot lately is, why are so many millennials having bad sex? Which for the record, is not just true about millennials. However, it is alarming to hear that 44% of women between 16-21 to report anxiety, pain and little interest when it comes to sex,21% of...
Smarter Sex with Stanley Siegel
Bring intelligence to your sex drive with psychotherapist, Stanley Siegel who has evolved his understanding of the healing power of our sex drive over 35 years of practice. Learn how to understand your sexual desires as your brain’s effort to heal painful developmental experiences. Siegel explains how our fantasies connect to our brain’s subconscious efforts to find pleasure in our lingering...
Inventing a Language for Sex
I rarely speak directly about sex. I feel like I am still inventing a language that I can use comfortably in the world, one that envelops the physical, but also transcends it. It is important to talk about orgasm, and to understand the power of it in daily life. But so much of this language has been usurped by an industry that sells us cheap images of organs, or people who feel like they just met...
Sex Without a Safety Net
“All serious daring starts from within.” -Eudora Welty
Sex has become the gateway meeting. Driven by phone apps and new social conventions of myriad hook ups as a way to “get to know someone,” sex- the deepest intimate connection we have to offer to another human being has been turned on its head and is now shared among much of the millennial generation with little more regard than a meeting for...
The Meaning and Purpose of Sex
I just read some startling statistics on sexual frequency that really have to make you wonder how we could all be so collectively confused about the meaning and purpose of sex. The World Health Organization estimates that in any twenty four hour period, i.e. one day, 200 million men and women around the world engage in intercourse. Less than a million of these encounters result in pregnancy...
A Great Sex Education Read
One of my new favorite books on my nightstand is “Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction” by Debby Herbenick, As one of the most well respected sex educators in the country, Debby has answered thousands of questions about everything sexual from people across the country as the primary responder to literally thousands of questions at the Kinsey Institute. Because...
Sex & Sensibility with Deborah Roffman
Don’t miss this enlightening new paradigm for talking honestly about sex and sexuality with both children and teens. Deborah Roffman, one of the most highly acclaimed sexual educators in the country applies both uncommon good sense and a commitment to core, universal values to explain the critical importance of providing the answers and fostering an open family dialogue to the questions of...
Slow Sex with Nicole Daedone
Explore the “Slow sex movement” with Nicole Daedone, Founder of One Taste and author of “Slow Sex: the art and craft of the female orgasm”. Through the use of mindful attention and a practice she has developed and has taught to thousands, OM (Orgasmic Meditation) offers an easy to adopt daily practice that elevates the cultivation of pleasure to a spiritual practice. Learn how this shift in...
Fixing A Broken Sex Life
Breakdowns in sexual connection can drive a deeply personal wedge between partners, but Good Clean Love founder Wendy Strgar is proof they can be overcome.
Tantric Sex With Dr. Judy
If you have ever felt like a complete idiot when it comes to creating healthy relationships or using tantra techniques to take your intimate life to the next level, don’t miss this talk with Dr Judywho has been helping people solve their relationship and intimacy issues for decades on her own syndicated radio show. Whether offering tips for working with orgasmic challenges or emotional hurdles,...
The Importance of Sex in a Relationship
Is sex important in a relationship? This is a common question. It's a topic that can stir up a range of emotions and concerns for individuals and couples alike. Knowing the value of sex in your relationship and how to maintain a fulfilling sexual connection is important.
Remedial Sex Cures: Three Tips
“Remedial: giving or intended as a remedy or cure; intended to correct or improve something.”
I was married for at least fifteen years before I finally started seeing our sex life as remedial rather than a reward. Like so many couples, I spent over a decade holding sex apart from our daily conflicts and fruitlessly waiting for the moments when my husband said just the right thing at just the...
What is Healthy Sex in Marriage?
Question:
My question is pretty vague! What does it look like to have a healthy sex life in marriage?
The background to my question is: My husband of 18 years is working on getting over a pornography addiction. I have some sexual abuse issues from childhood. So we are both messed up. Initially when we married I tried to be fun and sexy and would not get much response so I often felt rejected. He’d...
What We Love About Sex
‘Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn to reverence life until we know how to understand sex.’ Henry Ellis
Appreciating the joys of living in a body of flesh and blood literally begins with the euphoric recognition of what it is to be a sexual being. From the tiniest of sensations on the skin to the perfectly placed nerve endings in our most erogenous zones, we are bodies...
Healthy Sex: It’s Good for You!
A friendly reminder from your favorite loveologist: We promote healthy sex- because it is good for you.
Physical intimacy doesn’t just feel good….Making love is good for you as shown by hundreds of major medical studies. These studies are suggesting that an active sexual life may lead to a longer life, better heart health, a healthier immune response, reduction in chronic pain symptoms, lower...
Rethinking the Idea of Safe Sex
When most people teach about safe sex, they are often focusing on preventing infection and promoting birth control. Yet, there is another, overlooked aspect of safety in sex that can have as far reaching an impact as any physical one – that is the importance of developing an emotional safety net to protect your evolving erotic self.
The Heart and Soul of Sex
Here is the book that so many women that I meet and that long for a sex life that works for them must read. Gina Ogden, conducted a survey with close to 4000 women on aspects of sexuality, spirituality and their meeting place. In addition to insightful and fascinating quotes from many of these women, the book explores in depth the emotional, mental and spiritual connections that mean the most in...
4 Practices for Grateful Sex
I have been working at the crossroads of gratitude and sex for most of my adult life. As the years pile on in my marriage, I am not only astounded by the longevity of my intimate life, but literally weep with gratitude for every moment I get with my husband.
Celebrating Sex that Works with Pride
“Sex that works depends on our being able to trust ourselves, and our ability to trust ourselves depends on understanding who we are and how we relate to the people around us.” Wendy Strgar, Sex That Works.
It bodes well for my new book, Sex that Works, to launch on the first day of Pride month. For nearly 5 decades, the LGBT community has commemorated the Stonewall Inn Protest of 1969 each June....