by Wendy Strgar March 27, 2009
Language is the metaphor we use to communicate our deepest feelings. A couple’s sexuality is the most profound vehicle of communication of all. The words we use and our physical language of love define our love experience.
Penetration is the word often used to describe the culminating act of sexuality. It’s a word I often use when describing the best use of good lubricant. But it was just this week after using the word in conjunction with the act, that I wondered what I was saying. The verb “to penetrate” has six different definitions in the dictionary and as in the power of any metaphor, the meaning one attaches to the term may deeply influence our relationship to the act.
A lesbian friend of mine once told me that it is not uncommon for many of her friends to maintain a no penetration relationship, and among my heterosexual friends, it is not a small minority who avoid penetration with their spouses. I never asked them but I wonder if for them, the meaning of penetration feels like this definition of a military force entering into enemy territory or the depth of projectile into a target. Certainly the idea of women as a target for a man is rampant and so the deep need of self protection is also deeply held.
“To penetrate” also means to have an effect throughout, spread through; permeate, move deeply, or imbue…Applied again as a metaphor for sexuality this penetration is an act that transforms, that has the potential of changing everything. This sexual act has the force of inspiration, the possibility of being completely saturated with love.
The act of penetration is a force of nature that is loaded with meaning and mystery. Not surprisingly, to penetrate also means to gain insight and to have a marked effect on the mind and emotions. Our language about our sexuality is as layered as the act itself, and knowing what you mean when you speak about love and sex can only be helpful.
Sexuality is a metaphor for many things in life. The language, attitudes and opening that we share in our sexual encounters has a long reach into the depth and closeness of our day to day relationships.
Consider your relationship to penetration- the word, the idea and the act. Penetration means all of these things all at once. But if I were to make a leap, in the name of making love sustainable, it would be that couples who build a strong and consensual relationship with the meaning and act of penetration are much more likely to have a strong and consensual relationship to each other…
by Wendy Strgar May 17, 2018
It becomes hard to trust your own thinking when nothing seems to be working. The space between how I thought it would go and how it is going seems to widen in front of my eyes. Maybe most difficult of all is how often the undesirable outcomes around us spill over into our relationships, both at home and at work. An errant comment too easily turns into an argument. I become blind to my impact on people around me, caught up in the unresolved problems surrounding me. During times like these, we often underestimate the power of the choices we make and how it can create a path back towards what’s working or down the slippery slope of self-destruction, which my husband affectionately calls “flirting with the gutter.”
Here is my short list to making it better when it isn’t working at all. Each one helps you do the next one, so start at the beginning and work your way down.
by Wendy Strgar May 03, 2018
by Wendy Strgar April 26, 2018