It’s not always easy to be in a relationship, no matter how old you are. Conflicts are impossible to avoid, but if you have the right tools, you can avoid conflicts from becoming destructive. Below is a list of tips from our very own Dr. Romance about cultivating the healthiest relationship possible.

1. It’s not about who’s right or wrong it’s about solving the problem together. If you try to win the argument, you’ll lose something more important — loving feelings.

2. With listening, caring and the willingness to change, anything in your relationship can be fixed. There’s no need to be afraid — just turn up the love.

3. It’s a partnership, silly! Stop struggling, and learn to work together. Focus on teamwork and sharing.

4. Behavior that enhances relationships with people at work, and with your friends, will probably work if you use it with your spouse. Seek to be more rational and less angry or emotional.

5. What goes around comes around, in love as well as life. If you want more of love, try giving more. It will work every time.

6. Act like the grownup you are, not a little kid. Think before you speak and focus on solutions, not problems. Give up whining, complaining and suffering, and step up to taking responsibility and loving more.

Dr.  Tina Tessina, PhD  http://www.tinatessina.com is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California, with over 30 years’ experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction (New Page); How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free (New Page); The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again (Wiley)  and The Real 13th Step: Discovering Self-Confidence, Self-Reliance and Independence Beyond the Twelve Step Programs (New Page.)  Her newest books are Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage and The Commuter Marriage.