by Wendy Strgar November 27, 2013
“Sex is more than an act of pleasure, it’s the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it’s almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you’re a part of them.” –Unknown
There might not be two words that are better matched side by side than gratitude and sex. What moment more fully embodies gratitude than the deep and powerful pleasure of two bodies entwined in lovemaking? I believe that the universal desire to experience orgasm is more than seeking this crazy height of pleasure that bursts in us, but also recognizing with profound gratitude how our bodies are wired for love to work in us. Recognizing gratitude as a visceral response is a natural outcome of sexuality, which like joy, ignites a burst of creative energy that heals and transforms.
Sharing sexual pleasure is the most potent glue of human relationships. Sexual gratitude cracks the heart open with the recognition that we are loved, we are worthy of love, and we are able to love. So simple and yet so challenging is this profound experience of self- acceptance that we fear elevating our sexual drive to this expectation. This explains the hook-up culture we are living in, as well as anything else that can be said about it. There may be orgasms that occur in one night stands, but they aren’t the ones that open your heart to your own vulnerability and greatness.
Transforming your relationship to your sexuality as one that is driven first by a visceral experience of gratitude will simultaneously remake your intimate partnerships as well. Too often we hold our intimacy hostage to the vulnerability we refuse to acknowledge, the wounds that we mistakenly believe keep us separate from others. Our intimate relationships are the spiritual containers for human growth, a haven to figure out who you are and what you want. Moving beyond our self imposed barriers into connection is the foundation for a solid relationship.
Celebrating a solid relationship in a warm bed is nothing if not a dance of gratitude. How and why we do the things that our libido awakens in us, in the most primal region of our brain, we can’t explain to ourselves, let alone anyone else, but it doesn’t matter. When you are safe to be yourself, or whoever else comes to mind between the sheets, you let go and follow instinct gratefully. Sexual pleasure proves the maxim that giving and receiving are interchangeable and equally gratifying like nothing else.
Experiencing the range of wondrous and indescribable sensations that only intimate pleasure creates offers a new universe of sensation. Time and space of the inner and outer realities are indistinguishable. The language of touch carries all the nuance, depth and meaning that words convey, more clearly. This expression of gratitude without words changes how you look at each other.
System reset. That is what grateful sex does. Every nerve fiber is soothed; the connections between heart, mind and body are restored, balanced.The peace and calm, which settles into your relationship is more than just a relief. It is more like coming back to a true center, a place that always remembers why you do the work to love.
by Wendy Strgar May 22, 2018
There is no time like long summer nights to cultivate our uniquely, profoundly human capacity for pleasure, especially sexual pleasure. Our pleasure response transforms our relationship to each other and even to life itself. Focusing on pleasure not only changes how we see our opportunities for intimate connection, but also invites us into a deeper relationship with our erotic soul.
by Wendy Strgar May 17, 2018
It becomes hard to trust your own thinking when nothing seems to be working. The space between how I thought it would go and how it is going seems to widen in front of my eyes. Maybe most difficult of all is how often the undesirable outcomes around us spill over into our relationships, both at home and at work. An errant comment too easily turns into an argument. I become blind to my impact on people around me, caught up in the unresolved problems surrounding me. During times like these, we often underestimate the power of the choices we make and how it can create a path back towards what’s working or down the slippery slope of self-destruction, which my husband affectionately calls “flirting with the gutter.”
Here is my short list to making it better when it isn’t working at all. Each one helps you do the next one, so start at the beginning and work your way down.
by Wendy Strgar May 03, 2018