It is not an exaggeration to say that 2020 has been a difficult year for everyone. We’re experiencing the global pandemic in ways that are unique to each of us, and it can feel exhausting to live and just be among all the uncertainty. As a result, it is common to feel unmotivated, tapped out, or not in control of your life. For those of us experiencing this struggle, I have some good news: you can see real and significant change with even the smallest steps, as long as they’re done consistently.
In fact, someone told me a long time ago that if you can change any area of your life by a consistent five percent, the effects will be remarkable. We only need to look at the environment to see this in action. Changes of a single degree can change everything. Just a few years ago, what was imperceptible even to scientists was altering the landscape of our collective future.
This five-percent rule applies to our personal ecosystems as well. The smallest of changes in how we communicate in, show up for, and think about our relationships can and does alter their course.
The other truth, which shows up for all of us in some way at some time, is that bad things happen fast and good things take time. This is the key to why the five-percent rule is how life actually transforms. Accidents, illnesses, and the errant forces of nature like hurricanes or tornadoes arrive in a moment, and often with no warning. Personal catastrophes and tragedies fall into the middle of your world like a tidal wave. How is it possible that we could not see these things coming? Relationships are fragile ecosystems and, just as in the aftermath of a storm, rebuilding and recuperation is a process which requires the time and patience that is the daily work of healing.
And yet, it is so easy to get burned out in the work of relating – especially these days when many of us are cooped up with those closest to us. It is the hardest work that we are asked to do. People are annoying, even the very best of them. This fact can apply to growing families or aging parents as easily as it does to our primary partner.
Keeping relationships healthy and being willing to heal the ones that are ailing is not a quick fix solution, it is a resolution to keep the five-percent rule in action.
Here are a few examples of how to use the five percent rule in your everyday life.
- Be willing to do one extra act of kindness each day.
- Take the time to listen, even when you have heard enough.
- Find the energy to be intimate, even when you don’t feel connected.
The five-percent rule is a great way to get started on a path towards change and take some ownership over what’s happening, no matter your life situation. Another way of thinking about it is as a continuous improvement plan, where you agree to remain vigilant to your own attitude and willingness to participate. It acknowledges that you aren’t going to be perfect or expect perfection. Rather with realistic intentions, you strive to be just a bit better than yesterday. It respects the time that it takes for small, seemingly imperceptible changes to be felt and experienced.
Making a resolution to live with a five-percent improvement plan is a heroic act. Not only do you courageously embrace the unpredictable and a certain amount of falling apart, but you simultaneously hold your heart open to trying to make the small acts of living softer and more bearable for the people you love. It is a resolution that you can keep because it commits you to a process rather than an outcome and gives you the freedom to miss the mark some days.
So, go ahead – start again and resolve to get better at whatever you choose. Or what the heck, just resolve to get better in your whole life, but just go for five percent. It’s plenty.
