by Jennie Gill Rosier
We’ve all been able to relate to Etta James in her song “Sunday Kind of Love” at some point in our lives. I’m sure that you’ve all felt felt like you “can’t seem to find someone to care” or like you’ve been on the “lonely road that leads to nowhere.” You’ve probably also felt like your search for that special someone was all-consuming at times, where you did your “Sunday dreaming and all your Sunday scheming every minute of every hour of every day.” The truth is: we all want a love to last past Saturday night; a Sunday kind of love.
As humans, we have an innate desire to pair up with another person. And there are many ideas out there aboutwhy we want to do this. Evolutionary theory is one of those ideas.
Evolutionary theory (Buss, 1994) argues that individuals have an innate desire to reproduce so that their genes can be passed down to a new generation. In other words, we want to find a partner so that we can have children. The theory also contends that men and women attempt to achieve this goal very differently. Men, according to evolutionary theory, maximize their chances of passing down their genes by mating with multiple women (the more women men mate with, the higher their chances are of creating offspring). Women, on the other hand, are more successful at passing down their genes when they can attach to one male who can provide resources and protection for them. Although this is a rather sexist way to view how men and women look for mates, it’s definitely something to think about. This may be ONE reason why some women obsess over finding a husband. Their desire to pass down their genes is so strong that they search and search and search for that perfect someone.
Unfortunately, this obsession can cause a few problems. From drastically changing who you are to make a bad relationship work to settling with someone who you know is not right for you to making excuses for your potential husband’s behavior so that you can make others believe that he’s “the one,” sometimes our obsession with finding a lifetime partner can cause us to make bad relationship decisions. On the other hand, this obsession can also cause women to be so picky that theynever find their ideal mate.
Recently, I was talking with a few of my favorite ladies about this exact subject. How can we know when we’ve found the best match for us? What are some things to look out for when searching for a life partner? What makes a good husband? Below is the insightful, practical, and sometimes funny list that my girlfriends and I came up with (Thanks girls!).
A man is husband material if he…
- … respects you.
- … accepts you for who you are and does not want you to change.
- … wears the shirt you bought him, even when he doesn’t really like it.
- … let’s you pick the movie and restaurant.
- … is willing to take multiple pictures so that you can be happy with one.
- … calls to make sure you’re okay when you’re a little late getting off work.
- … loves your family.
- … starts your car for you in the morning to warm it up.
- … does your laundry, even unfolding your filthy socks.
- … kills the spiders.
- … can happily sit through a “Twilight” conversation with a crazy family member at Thanksgiving.
- … is on your team.
- … loves your meatloaf.
- … puts you and your relationship first in his life.
- … gives you the remote when the movie gets too scary.
- … actually wants to spend time with you.
- … goes to functions that are important to you even if he doesn’t want to.
- … supports you in your decisions, even if he doesn’t think they’re the best ideas you’ve ever had.
- … drives you all the way from Boston to D.C. after you freaked out when the man over the loudspeaker said, “we will board the plane after the rain water is cleaned from inside the cabin.”
- … calls you before he makes any big (or small) decisions.
- … always eats the drumsticks because he knows how much you love the wings.
- … listens to you- about anything.
- … laughs with you and not at you.
- … does the dishes; or any household chore for that matter.
- … wants what you want out of life.
- … is patient.
- … is honest.
- … loves the hell out of you.
- … talks about his love for you to other people.
What do you think is important for a Sunday kind of love?
- Buss, D. M. (1994).The evolution of desire: Strategies of human mating. New York: Basic Books.
Dr. Jennifer Gill Rosier, Ph.D., creator of www.JensLoveLessons.com and author of the recently released book Make Love, Not Scrapbooks, is an Assistant Professor of Communication Studies at James Madison University. Her broad scholarly research interests include communication skill development and relationship maintenance behaviors. Much of her current research focuses around examining the actual skills needed to effectively communicate about sex in romantic relationships and investigating the role that a wide variety of communication skills play in successful marriages that have experienced hardship (i.e. loss of a child, terminal illness diagnosis, raising multiples, etc.). In the future, she plans to publish two more books based on these two areas of research.