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Day 235: Seeking Peace

“When I let go of what I am I become what I might be

To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow.

Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like

To attain knowledge, add things every day

To attain wisdom, remove things every day

To love someone deeply gives you strength. To be loved by someone deeply gives you courage.

At the center of your being you have the answer, you know who you are and you know what you want.”

-Lao Tzu

These are the prayers and meditations that I am focusing my mind around today. I  am in the process of letting go of a big part of my day to day identity as my visions become reality but never quite the reality that we first envision. I am working to think of this release from leading Good Clean Love as an opportunity to let go of what I am in order to reveal what I might become. I want more wisdom than knowledge now. It is a cleansing.

Sitting on the vast open beaches on the Oregon coast, looking out at the waves crashing against the huge sea stacks, I am looking for the still mind and watching the noise in my head crash around. I have to stay completely focused to think right. I have to identify the fearful meandering for what it is really fast, or I slide down the long paths of anger and justifications that cloak my inability to let things flow forward as they will, out of my control. I have to work hard to not be overcome by loss, to witness the endless series of spontaneous changes as an the freedom I have been chasing.

At the very beginning of  Good Clean Love, I put this Lao Tzu quote about love on one of the first bottles of love oil  I made: “To love someone deeply gives you strength. To be loved by someone deeply gives you courage.” Today I am thinking about turning this statement towards myself in these days of turbulent change when getting what I want is hard to recognize.

I have learned to listen to myself enough to know that if I can shut off the noise for long enough,  there is a clear voice deep inside of me. I have to listen hard and be very still to hear it.   It is easily drown out by the noise around me and in me.   Listening for an answer that comes in whispers and waits to arrive for your full attention is the task at hand.

I feel blessed to be doing this inner search on the shores of the Pacific with a bright sun overhead surrounded by the people who have known me through countless incarnations. Catching frisbees with my husband on the sunny open beach reminded me, for a moment, of the me that’s been there all along.