by Wendy Strgar August 27, 2010
I am trying to not just pray like this, but live like it, too. I want to come to my life even when I don’t like how it is going and offer what I have, feel full enough of myself to be of service, to let life lead me. I rarely think of my life or work as an offering, which really even if you aren’t religious is the most we can hope for ourselves. Is money, recognition and status bigger than the willingness to show up and offer yourself up to the people and work you care about.
Some days it feels like it is and my ability to offer is deeply compromised by unmet needs and resistance to things as they are. I feel shortchanged, unappreciated and invisible. I am looking for something out there to validate me and its absence turns my capacity for offering to stone.
The best days are when I am full enough to let go and stop quantifying the exchange. I am able to be fully present and I have humility, which is really an inner reverence for the way things are. This is a listening place that I am trying to cultivate not only in meditation but in life. It is not an easy place for me to hold onto. I am often an impatient listener, filling in the silence with what I believe will come next. Even if I am right, speaking for someone else changes the message.
In prayer it is only in the listening that an answer comes. There is no asking for how things should be for us, there is just the very quiet voice that speaks when we are silent and patient to guide us. This last weekend on the beach, I heard it. I hear it still as I am trying to make my work an offering rather than an opportunity to meet my own needs. The prayer echoed “it is purpose not position” that you are seeking.
Trying to find my way within the map of these few words is a little like using the north star in the middle of the ocean. Even in the blackest night, I know the difference between purpose and position and which one can be an offering.
by Wendy Strgar May 22, 2018
There is no time like long summer nights to cultivate our uniquely, profoundly human capacity for pleasure, especially sexual pleasure. Our pleasure response transforms our relationship to each other and even to life itself. Focusing on pleasure not only changes how we see our opportunities for intimate connection, but also invites us into a deeper relationship with our erotic soul.
by Wendy Strgar May 17, 2018
It becomes hard to trust your own thinking when nothing seems to be working. The space between how I thought it would go and how it is going seems to widen in front of my eyes. Maybe most difficult of all is how often the undesirable outcomes around us spill over into our relationships, both at home and at work. An errant comment too easily turns into an argument. I become blind to my impact on people around me, caught up in the unresolved problems surrounding me. During times like these, we often underestimate the power of the choices we make and how it can create a path back towards what’s working or down the slippery slope of self-destruction, which my husband affectionately calls “flirting with the gutter.”
Here is my short list to making it better when it isn’t working at all. Each one helps you do the next one, so start at the beginning and work your way down.
by Wendy Strgar May 03, 2018