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Day 99: More Than Enough

“The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom…for we never know what is enough until we know what is more than enough.” -William Blake

Today I took delivery of 4000 lbs of personal lubricant. It was the largest single delivery ever made to my business and the biggest bet I have ever made on my potential success. Betting on myself is getting easier and easier since I have started the positivity quest. While there may be a few lurking insecurities about my abilities to interpret an Excel spread sheet, my belief in my vision and ability to communicate it are growing tall, dwarfing the fears that I am not enough for my big dreams.

Coinciding with this massive delivery of our best formulation of personal lubricant ever is my first chance to stand up in front of a room of investors and give my pitch. Public speaking has rarely made me nervous; I have always been able to rely on my gift of gab. Yet this ten minute presentation feels like a rock in my belly. I think it is because I have never been one to practice talking- I learn as I speak and what I know for sure has always come along for the ride with out any preparation.

As I struggle to prepare for the first due diligence meeting and attempt to list the things that must be said, I recall the feeling of preparing for a final exam. Staying up to all hours trying to cram a few more facts in my short term memory was never my preferred learning style. Something about this kind of studying and preparing to show my best self and most worthy attributes has always felt like it diminished the brightest part of me, which is most fully present in the moment.

Another big project is coming due in these days, too. My first book awaits only its conclusion before it is off to the proof reader. Now that it has found its true name, “Tending the Hearth: meditations on Making Love Sustainable,” and the design process is underway, it is up to me to come up with the end. Finding a neat closure to the years of writing that went into that book is a little like summing up the years of getting to 4000 lbs of lube in an afternoon in 10 minutes.

Whatever happens with the 12,000 bottles of lube that I am betting on, the ten minute pitch that will come out of my mouth, or the book that has been waiting for a binding, I know that all my excesses in each and every present moment leads me day after day to a little more wisdom.