by Wendy Strgar January 23, 2011
"Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn't happen."" -Alyce Cornyn-Selby
I have been working on my book for 4 years. It contains all of the best thoughts I have had during that time and is a coherent and beautiful compilation of literally thousands of hours of thinking. It is material that I know well but delivering the content in a presentation is an entirely different animal.
Speaking is an art and requires at least as much preparation and time as writing, because in some ways the listener needs more structure to hold onto your ideas than a reader does. Faltering in the organization of your thoughts in front of a large group of people is actively humiliating, too. It is way worse than even the messiest of typos when you write, it is the reason that many people are mortified at the idea of standing up in front of a group.
There is really no excuse when you don't do your own work and show up unprepared. The real question is why. Often this is a way to undermine what you say you want. Showing up with out the ability to convey my best ideas clearly was a reflection of my self doubt and fears about taking this Good Clean Love show on the road and into a new level of exposure.
It made me think hard about whether I want what I say that I want and whether I am willing to do what it takes to make it happen. The hesitancy isn't just about racking up airline mileage (although that does carry some weight) it is more about believing that I can do it. In the end that is what self sabotage is always about- recognizing and working with the little voice inside that keeps us from believing in our own gifts.
The quick recovery is all about recognizing our shortcomings as self sabotage and then applying the healing balm of self forgiveness as soon as possible. It is important to act fast, before humiliation or shame can harden into how we see ourselves. Actually, they are brief moments in time, when we have to recalibrate our dreams, intention and preparation.
by Wendy Strgar May 22, 2018
There is no time like long summer nights to cultivate our uniquely, profoundly human capacity for pleasure, especially sexual pleasure. Our pleasure response transforms our relationship to each other and even to life itself. Focusing on pleasure not only changes how we see our opportunities for intimate connection, but also invites us into a deeper relationship with our erotic soul.
by Wendy Strgar May 17, 2018
It becomes hard to trust your own thinking when nothing seems to be working. The space between how I thought it would go and how it is going seems to widen in front of my eyes. Maybe most difficult of all is how often the undesirable outcomes around us spill over into our relationships, both at home and at work. An errant comment too easily turns into an argument. I become blind to my impact on people around me, caught up in the unresolved problems surrounding me. During times like these, we often underestimate the power of the choices we make and how it can create a path back towards what’s working or down the slippery slope of self-destruction, which my husband affectionately calls “flirting with the gutter.”
Here is my short list to making it better when it isn’t working at all. Each one helps you do the next one, so start at the beginning and work your way down.
by Wendy Strgar May 03, 2018