by Wendy Strgar October 23, 2017
The word is on the street. No one is alone anymore. Millions of women are coming forward acknowledging the burdens of silence they have been carrying around whether from single traumatic events or years of unwanted sexual advances to full on sexual assault and discrimination. Here we are: a force to be reckoned with. And even though this revolution may seem like news to some, realize that it has ten years of history behind it and thousands of strong women who have been standing up and saying no more.
The question is what is to be done with this new recognition before it becomes another passing whim of a news cycle run out of control. What we decide to do with this moment, individually and collectively will change the future, not just for us but for all the little girls into the future. Here is a list of ideas to ground this revolution into your life and keep it vibrant for the next generation.
The power of speaking our truth is multiplied manifold when we are heard. This is the power of a movement but also the saving grace when it comes to releasing old traumas. Having the courage to speak is the first critical step in releasing our trauma and shame. Being and feeling heard in our stories is how we receive the love to heal them. It’s not enough to just tweet “me too” if you are looking for a new life. Take the time to tell the whole story to a caring friend, or take the bold step and find a therapist. If you are that friend- drop everything and offer all of your attention to the person’s pain. Create a container where the painful events can have the light of love shining on them. It will change everything.
If you suspect sexual harassment is happening around you, whether it is in the work place, in a restaurant, a store, on the street in your neighborhood or in your home, please do not look away. If you don’t feel safe to intervene, call for help. If you can help the girl or woman who is about to be hurt, help her out of the situation. If a woman needs someone to back up her story and you know it is true, stand for the truth. We know that there is a huge values gap that most of us struggle with in our lives. As hard as it is to say we believe something aloud, it takes real courage to stand up and protect our values with actions. But this is where real empowering change is born. Don’t discount your power. Trust what you know and help when you can.
One way that every individual woman has the opportunity to make the “ME TOO” movement stick in their own life is by embodying their erotic soul and committing to not selling it out- ever again for anyone. So many young women who interview me about consent, openly lament the lousy hook ups that have come to replace the intimate life they long for. Trading away the sex that you wish would just be over for daring to hope for the sex that gets you going is the first decision that needs to be made. This choice offers real freedom, not only do you realize that you aren’t missing anything… but giving up unsatisfactory sex just because we can have it, in favor of cultivating opportunities of equal pleasure is how we build our courage to both witness and protect the sex lives all around us.
by Wendy Strgar May 22, 2018
There is no time like long summer nights to cultivate our uniquely, profoundly human capacity for pleasure, especially sexual pleasure. Our pleasure response transforms our relationship to each other and even to life itself. Focusing on pleasure not only changes how we see our opportunities for intimate connection, but also invites us into a deeper relationship with our erotic soul.
by Wendy Strgar May 17, 2018
It becomes hard to trust your own thinking when nothing seems to be working. The space between how I thought it would go and how it is going seems to widen in front of my eyes. Maybe most difficult of all is how often the undesirable outcomes around us spill over into our relationships, both at home and at work. An errant comment too easily turns into an argument. I become blind to my impact on people around me, caught up in the unresolved problems surrounding me. During times like these, we often underestimate the power of the choices we make and how it can create a path back towards what’s working or down the slippery slope of self-destruction, which my husband affectionately calls “flirting with the gutter.”
Here is my short list to making it better when it isn’t working at all. Each one helps you do the next one, so start at the beginning and work your way down.
by Wendy Strgar May 03, 2018