by Wendy Strgar June 20, 2011
By Tina Tessina
Marriage can be frustrating and disappointing, especially if you don’t have the skills to fix it. But giving in to the frustration and leaving may turn out to be the worst thing you ever did.
Consider these reasons to stay:
1. You still love each other. Maybe you’re irritated, frustrated or resentful, but bottom line,
you’d be sad to lose your partner. Don’t give up. What’s wrong can probably be fixed. If you
haven’t calmly told the truth about how you’re feeling, and it only comes out when you fight,
then you haven’t created a chance to fix things and restore your loving feelings.
2. You have children. Divorce is devastating for kids, and it’s not right as a parent to put your
happiness above theirs. In any case, doing what it takes to repair the marriage will make
everyone, including you, a lot happier than the failure of divorce. Leaving is only a good idea if
your marriage is abusive. That’s more damaging to kids than divorce.
3. Your complaints are petty and juvenile. If you’re mad because you’re not getting enough
attention or there’s no romance, or someone else looks better to you than your partner, you’re
probably not being realistic or doing your part to fix things. Don’t be a baby. Grownups don’t
keep complaining, whining and nagging – they figure out how to fix things.
4. You haven’t tried counseling, or you haven’t put a real effort into it. You may need to try a
couple of counselors before you find one you can work with. Look for a counselor who is
demanding, who expects you to change what you’re doing. It will be the best investment you
ever made in your marriage and your own happiness.
Dr. Tina Tessina, PhD http://www.tinatessina.com is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California,
with over 30 years’ experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in
17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction;
How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again and
The Real 13th Step: Discovering Self-Confidence, and
Self-Reliance and Independence Beyond the Twelve Step Programs.
by Wendy Strgar October 25, 2018
“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” –Antoine de Saint-Exupery
We believe we are making it better by shielding ourselves from our own pain. This is a fool’s errand, for the pain we refuse to feel and acknowledge doesn’t dissipate from our lacking attention, but rather collects in our heart center with a weightiness that we often cannot name or discern. So fearful are we, of the potential of a broken heart, that we inadvertently refuse to open our hearts at all.
by Wendy Strgar September 13, 2018