How is it that something so universal—an experience shared by half the population—remains one of life's most mysterious transformations? According to the North American Menopause Society, by 2025, over a billion women will be post-menopausal worldwide. Yet, despite its reach, most women I’ve spoken to, including myself, have echoed the same sentiment: No one told me it would be like this.

Looking back, I can see the signs now. My mother, flushed and fanning herself, or sitting in the kitchen in the dead of night, unable to sleep. At the time, I didn’t ask questions. It was just... how things were. But we weren’t supposed to talk about it—menopause was a silent club you joined, no handbook included.

Given that doctors in most medical schools receive an average of just one hour of menopause training, it’s no surprise that the information gap is all too real. Women have been left to navigate these changes with little guidance, relying on whispered conversations or the occasional late-night internet search. But it doesn’t have to be this way. So, in the spirit of breaking that silence, here’s a crash course on five things no one tells you about menopause—because it’s time to start talking.

1. Perimenopause vs. Menopause

Perimenopause often sneaks up on you when you’re least expecting it. You’re in the middle of your career, raising kids, maybe even caring for aging parents. Menopause is probably the last thing on your mind. Yet, your body begins to change in subtle—and not so subtle—ways. Perimenopause is the time leading up to menopause, a phase that can last 4 to 10 years, where your periods become erratic and your hormones take you on a wild ride. For many women, this phase is even more challenging than menopause itself. The hormonal shifts can make PMS worse and throw everything off balance, leaving you feeling like your body is no longer your own.

• Perimenopause: The transitional phase, lasting 4-10 years, where hormone fluctuations cause irregular periods and heightened PMS symptoms, along with hot flashes, sleep disturbances, and mood swings.
• Menopause: Officially begins after 12 months without a period. Once you’re there, you’re considered postmenopausal for the rest of your life.

The struggle often lies in perimenopause because it’s unpredictable. One day, you might feel fine, and the next, your mood swings, hot flashes, or sleep disruptions take over. There’s no clear end in sight, and with so many other responsibilities in life, it’s easy to overlook the signs or dismiss them as part of getting older. For some women, perimenopause feels more intense than menopause itself, as your body tries to adjust to the drastic changes in hormone levels.

2. Menopausal Symptoms Come in Many Varieties

Everyone knows about hot flashes—the sudden, overwhelming heat that creeps up your neck and spreads across your face—but that’s just one of the many flavors of menopause. In reality, menopause comes with an unpredictable menu of symptoms that can leave you wondering what’s really happening to your body. One day, you’re dealing with night sweats, and the next, you’re noticing joint stiffness or a sudden increase in facial hair. Vaginal dryness and pain may creep in, or you might find yourself feeling irritated or sad without understanding why.

And that’s where the confusion sets in. If you have an irregular period, you might think it’s just stress or your birth control acting up. If your joints start aching, you might chalk it up to aging or over-exertion. The truth is, menopause can feel like it’s throwing new symptoms at you every day, many of which you’d never expect. Formication—the sensation of bugs crawling on your skin—might make you question your sanity, while heart palpitations or dizziness can feel like they’re coming out of nowhere. It’s easy to misread these signs, especially when the conversation around menopause has been so limited.

• Common symptoms: hot flashes, vaginal dryness and pain, mood changes, and low energy.
• Surprising symptoms: irregular heartbeat, formication (the feeling of bugs crawling on your skin), increased facial hair, joint aches, and dizziness.

 There are reportedly 34 known symptoms of menopause, but many experts believe there are even more. And if you don’t know what they are, it’s nearly impossible to connect them to what’s happening in your body. Being aware of the vast array of symptoms helps you get ahead of these changes, rather than being blindsided by the unfamiliar. It’s about understanding that menopause isn’t just about hot flashes—it’s about navigating a sea of changes that affect your body, mind, and emotions, all at once.

3. Your Vaginal Microbiome Is Super Important

Just like your gut, your vagina has its own delicate ecosystem—the vaginal microbiome—that plays a crucial role in your overall health. During menopause, changes in hormone levels, particularly estrogen, can disrupt this balance, leading to discomforts like dryness, itching, and increased risk of infections like bacterial vaginosis or yeast infections. Keeping your vaginal microbiome healthy isn’t just about feeling good down there—it’s about maintaining a vital part of your body’s natural defense system.

Your vaginal microbiome thrives on balance, and menopause can throw things off, but there are ways to support it. Probiotic supplements, vaginal moisturizers, and even making adjustments to your diet can help nourish your vaginal microbiome. It’s about being proactive in maintaining the health of this often-overlooked system, ensuring that it can continue to protect and serve you, especially during the hormonal shifts of menopause.

4. You Can Still Have the Best Sex of Your Life!

One of the most persistent myths about menopause is that it marks the end of your sex life. But let’s set the record straight: You can absolutely still have sex! In fact, for many women, this stage of life brings the opportunity for some of the most fulfilling and intimate experiences yet. Yes, menopause introduces changes—like vaginal dryness caused by a dip in estrogen—but these are just adjustments, not roadblocks. You’ve come so far, and you know your body better than ever before, even with these shifts.

Here’s the exciting part: menopause actually expands the space to explore what feels good. This isn’t the time to retreat—it’s the perfect time to lean into discovery. Try out the luxurious feel of a high-quality lubricant, a vaginal moisturizer, or play with your sexiest organ—the brain—and use a rich love oil to stimulate your limbic system, the part of the brain that drives emotion, desire, and connection. And the best part? We’re no longer settling for generic solutions; we’re using products crafted specifically for us, giving us more control, pleasure, and comfort than ever before.

5. The Silver Lining: Many Menopausal Symptoms Are Only Temporary

Here’s something to hold onto: many of the symptoms you’re facing during menopause are only temporary. It may feel like the hot flashes, brain fog, or mood swings are here to stay, but they won’t be. As your body settles into this new phase, those uncomfortable moments will begin to fade, and you’ll regain your sense of balance.

Symptoms can be managed—especially if you reach out and talk to someone about them. Not everyone experiences menopause in the same way. Some women move through it with barely a symptom, while others feel the full weight of the transition. But there’s hope: brain fog and memory issues, for instance, are common, but they typically go away as your body adjusts. It’s a relief to know that these challenges don’t stick around forever. Hot flashes, too, can gradually ease, and soon enough, you'll be feeling more like yourself.

You’re equipped with more knowledge and self-awareness than ever before. With the tools available today—whether it’s taking care of your vaginal microbiome, finding joy and pleasure in intimacy, or simply understanding the wide range of menopausal symptoms—you have everything you need to navigate this journey with confidence.