A finer description of the state of humanity would be hard to come by or feel more true for my life situation of late. The question of biology and hormonal influences have to come up because it is hard to justify the feelings of exhaustion and despair that can just wash over me. The Buddhists call this shengpa, this ineffable experience of feelings that turn into solid reality in our thoughts and hook us away from even the most mundane experiences. It is hard to concentrate even on getting dinner made.

There are other moments, just as lucid, that are filled with calm certainty and a lightheartedness that comes from surrender. Not really giving up, but allowing. What a delight to be present in these moments but like late summer afternoons, they are fleeting.

It takes concentrated effort not to let this determine the course of my relationships. Many days it is easy to blame the relationships for the feelings. Then I do a disservice to both my feelings and the people I love the most. Don’t get me wrong it is easier than sliding down a slippery hill in early morning frost to feel certain that if the relationships were more __________ (fill in the blank), the feelings would not come storming in.

So all there is to do is learn to watch our thoughts, experience the brief storms and let them pass on over trying not to leave a trace. Much more challenging than it sounds. Either words of wisdom or meaningless babble from your neighborhood loveologist.