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Anal Sex, Oral Sex, and Long-Term Relationships

I visited a friend for a night recently, and as usual we talked about sex. She told me that she and her boyfriend, with whom she has been with monogamously for about a year, started having anal sex after she brought up trying it — she had accidentally seen a butt plug in her roommate’s bedroom, and she had become fascinated by it. My friend wondered whether the butt plug was her roommate’s or her boyfriend’s. She had never thought seriously about having anal sex before, yet now that she knew her roommate (a straight woman) was having it (well, she assumed — she didn’t actually ask her roommate about it), it seemed more real and intriguing to my friend (also a straight woman). She talked with her boyfriend about it, he was into trying it, and now anal is part of their repertoire. She said she really enjoys it.

I’m interested in all the ways people suddenly find themselves liking, or at least wondering about, doing things they previously never gave much thought to, or wrote off as “not my thing.” I had an experience like this recently during oral sex with my partner — I found myself really enjoying giving it, something I thought I wasn’t that interested in.

During my twenties I was not enthusiastic about oral sex at all, giving or receiving it. Recently it has been more interesting to me — I fantasize about giving it, which is something I didn’t realize I wanted to do. And when I live these fantasies, I find oral sex even more enjoyable.

Sometimes, more than I did when I was younger, I find myself thinking that sex is no longer a new, exciting thing in my life. But knowing that my tastes aren’t actually static is exciting. It really is possible to try something new, or to try something familiar as though it’s new, without expectations about whether I will or won’t enjoy it. My long-term relationship — with myself, and with my partner — is a lot more fun.