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Day 135: Exhausted Afterglow

“Happiness does not come from doing easy work but from the afterglow of satisfaction that comes after the achievement of a difficult task that demanded our best.” -Theodore Isaac Rubin

I should actually feel happier than I do tonight. The intensity of preparation and the work is over, at least for the weekend. All kinds of accolades from acquaintances and friends far and near came through today. It is gratifying to know the winner, to watch the slow progress of someone you care for finally materialize. My system was still on overload and articulating the future, which is a bit unclear for me, repeatedly was wearing. 

Actually as I have reflected more than once on the quest, exhaustion is not a friend to positivity. Physical weakness leads often to mental deterioration, a state that welcomes our biological negativity bias as a protection device. Our hunter/gatherer ancestors benefited from the negativity bias of exhaustion as a prod for self preservation. Now it just keeps us from enjoying the present for what it is.

Exhaustion is different from fatigue. It is like fatigue to the 4th power, going deeper into the system and requiring more than a good nights sleep for recovery. Sustained effort is often the crossroad of fatigue turning into exhaustion and the bounce back recedes further and further from view, the longer and deeper the exhaustion. As a reward for this afterglow and with deep respect for my exhaustion, it seems like the most positive thing I can do is sleep.