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Day 180: Getting Through the Resistance

“Resistance is thought transformed into feeling. Change the thought that creates the resistance, and there is no more resistance.” -Robert Conklin

Sometimes the only way forward is through our own resistance. There is no way around it, no talking yourself out of the doubts or disbelief that the resistance embodies; you just have to trudge into the doubts inch by inch to find the edge of something a little more balanced. This was the day in a nutshell- looking for the edge of reason at work, in my marriage, and with my health.

We have been working through some challenging and inconvenient packaging issues at work that are continuously requiring hours of sorting, judging and comparing. I alternately swing between despair and determination in the process, and there are moments when my vision and aspirations are so completely blocked by the mess of the process that I can’t even identify forward motion.

Throughout my 26-year marriage, our differences in our communication styles and our relationship needs have shaped the banks of the relationship that flows between us. On the most part, I have learned to balance between what, at other times, feels like a vast canyon between us. Finding balance is a daily process that acknowledges what is working alongside what is disappointing. Some days, seeking balance feels like a lie, so overwhelming is my resistance to the work.

The last few months I have had to spend a great deal of time and attention on my health. Fortifying my blood cell counts with weekly vitamin infusions and handfuls of supplements has been the way to reaffirming my priority to my wellbeing. Sometime recently, I started skipping supplement dosages. My impatience with the slow process of rebuilding blood counts and re-balancing hormone levels has outweighed the solutions.

I can see the way out in all these situations, there is no positivity quest to being your own resistance and, in some crazy way, it is one of the most courageous acts we can perform to get out of our own way.