I once read an analogy of human connection which described successful intimate bonds in terms of moisture. In this description they discussed how when your heart feels dry and brittle it is hard for it to bond to anyone else. Moisture happens in our heart when we allow ourselves to feel.
Certainly this metaphor can be extended without much imagination to the intimacy problems that exist for so many couples. Vaginal dryness affects a whopping 40% of women. This kind of dryness can make pleasure feel as faraway as the water hole in a barren desert.
Then there is the dryness of the soul that sometimes comes upon us, where effort feels only like burden. We feel unconnected to the purpose of our actions. It seems hardly worth the effort to communicate about it. This is the dryness of isolation which separates us from our ability to laugh, to hope, to imagine.
Dry spells happen to all of us. It is the nature of things and people. Our environment is providing a living metaphor for all of us on a daily basis. How to respond… Moisture is the essence of life. Without water we perish.
1. Feel your feelings whatever they are and have the guts to express some of them. Even feeling flooded by feelings is probably a better choice than just cutting yourself off from them.
2. Invest in good lubricant. It is at least as important as good moisturizer. Don’t let biology, medication or aging dictate your ability to feel pleasure. Healing lubricants can change your life and create moisture in many areas of relating. (Don’t resort to petrochemical based lubricants- use natural products)
3. When you feel dry – water yourself, heal yourself. Stand out in the rain, take a long bath or a shower, water a plant, splash water on your face, drink water or hot tea, cry. The dryness will pass.
