by Wendy Strgar February 16, 2011
“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” -Buddhist Proverb
There is a subtle but profound distinction between having a clear direction in life and a marked destination. I am all for the continued effort to define our life’s direction. Ironically, sometimes our focus and skills on defining this direction are so acute that we unwittingly get deeply attached to the outcome. The more strategic our plan, the more defined the results become in our planning; what was a healthy direction can become trapped in our own desire.
It is easy to not see this coming because the thinking in both activities shares many similarities. Envisioning what we want and holding ourselves accountable for taking action on behalf of our aspirations is foundational to all goal setting activities. The distinction comes when the pressure to achieve the plan becomes myopic. We can’t see what else life is offering. We forget that life is not a destination, but a process.
Mostly I love making a love business. I love teaching people about the importance of ingredients and the essential connections between love and physical intimacy. I love finding new places that are excited to distribute our products and working to make our formulations the best they can be. I love meeting talented people who contribute their genius to making us the best we can be. I love dreaming big about where the company could go.
I stop loving all those things when I get stuck on measuring myself against a plan, or I get afraid about how to make the plan happen. When my desire for clarity turns into my need to win something or prove something, I lose touch with what I love to do. Worse still, I lose the most vital connection to life there is- the ability to see what is right in front of me, to listen to the signals and make adjustments to the plan as needs be. I lose my ability to be present when I get pulled into believing more in the destination than the direction.
The truth about finding a direction that can at once motivate, inspire and challenge us is that it must have the wiggle room to experiment, to wonder and be curious about, to not have to know. It offers the freedom to win in ways that you might not have included in the plan and ways to win even when the plan doesn’t pan out. Choosing a direction, walking the path… there is room to be lighthearted and positive everyday.
by Wendy Strgar May 22, 2018
There is no time like long summer nights to cultivate our uniquely, profoundly human capacity for pleasure, especially sexual pleasure. Our pleasure response transforms our relationship to each other and even to life itself. Focusing on pleasure not only changes how we see our opportunities for intimate connection, but also invites us into a deeper relationship with our erotic soul.
by Wendy Strgar May 17, 2018
It becomes hard to trust your own thinking when nothing seems to be working. The space between how I thought it would go and how it is going seems to widen in front of my eyes. Maybe most difficult of all is how often the undesirable outcomes around us spill over into our relationships, both at home and at work. An errant comment too easily turns into an argument. I become blind to my impact on people around me, caught up in the unresolved problems surrounding me. During times like these, we often underestimate the power of the choices we make and how it can create a path back towards what’s working or down the slippery slope of self-destruction, which my husband affectionately calls “flirting with the gutter.”
Here is my short list to making it better when it isn’t working at all. Each one helps you do the next one, so start at the beginning and work your way down.
by Wendy Strgar May 03, 2018