“The way you make love is the way God will be with you.” -Rumi
There are times after I make love to my husband that I wished I had made a video so that I would always be able to remember how crazy and intense and out of our minds we made love to each other. Even a few hours later, my sexual memories take on the quality of dreams, where describing the sensation or even the sequence starts to feel like sand running through your fingers. When I mention it to him, he scoffs at the idea – partly because he would be mortified to have such a private and essential part of our relationship recorded, and partly because it would be so weird to do it… But then I imagine in twenty years, or maybe less, and he was gone- or I was- how happy we would be to see us again… I can just see myself, masturbating and sobbing all the while, wishing for just one more time and kicking myself that I didn’t appreciate the wonder of our lovemaking more when I had it. The truth is that most times, after we are intimate, I only have to hold the thought for a moment- What if this was the last time? And then tears well up in my eyes.
And yet, the revelation of our erotic selves is an overwhelming awakening, even after decades of knowing someone. The act of fully abandoning one’s consciousness into the mysterious sexual spaces that I could never write down or even say out loud, what we do with and to each other blows my mind every time. Each time I read good erotica, beyond the turn on, I am amazed at the fluency of language that some erotic writers master in describing the depths of human sexuality. The intensity of sensation and pleasure that is evoked within human sexual ecstasy is singular in all the world. Every year I get multiple emails about worldwide events that are planned to inspire as many lovers as possible to orgasm at the same moment with the intention of sending that collective ecstatic energy towards universal healing. I don’t know if I have ever hit the prescribed time slot, but the idea of it comes to me often when I am making love and makes me wonder. When I am most full of the alchemy of orgasmic release, if the potent emotional pain I expel is from lifetimes ago, or maybe touching into the millions of lifetimes of women living on the planet right now in terror and unending pain because of the fear and drama that inhabits much of human sexuality. In many places in the world, being born female is practically criminal. How are the daughters of so many fathers, the sisters of so many brothers not protected?
Actually the torment of sexual pain on this planet has eclipsed our planet so many times it now exists like a layer, which in some ways touches all of us. It is safe to say that at any given moment, there are tragically at least as many, if not more, sexual acts that are committed on this planet in violence and aggression as those created out of love. The resulting shame and terror, which pervades the essence of sexuality, cuts us off from ourselves, each other and the divine. And it makes those of us who are fortunate enough to creating loving sexual acts responsible for sharing that love with those who are not so fortunate.
It starts with being deeply grateful for each and every moment of erotic bliss we get. No taking our love for granted, no dismissing the wonder of the intimacy and the emotional cleansing that only deep love making generates. This is one of the most powerful forms of gratitude, sourced from the energy of our rapture that we can embody and offer to others. Like a prayer, our loving sexual relationships are a potent remedy for the immense pain body dominating our collective sexual consciousness. Holding our sexuality close to our heart is a sacred act that heals in concentric circles, starting with our own life and radiating out.
By all means, be grateful for the feast, family and friends this week, but please take a moment to bow down to the extraordinary capacity for mystical healing that is held uniquely in the embrace of our erotic souls.
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- November 17, 2022