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The Secret of Crushing

by Anastasia Strgar

We’ve all been there- one minute we’re going about our lives as we’ve been doing day after day and the next we meet someone who we think is maybe the most amazing thing since sliced bread. They can do no wrong and we’re attracted to them like moths to flames. All we can think about is whether this other person feels the same way about us- do they feel the earth move, the lightning crack, whenever we’re in each other’s presence. At that point we’re not sure what to do- unsure as to make a move or allow the other person to do so. If we move too quickly (or at all) we might lose them… So how do you know?

Some of the most common dating questions asked are “Do they like me” and “How do you know if they like me?” We like to make the process of deciphering the answers to these questions as complex as possible, sure that we missed a sign or signal that may tell us something we don’t already know, when our friends (the objective outsiders) are too kind to actually say, “Mmm nope, they don’t actually like you. Move onto someone who actually does.”

So I’m about to share some advice with you that should make this process a lot simpler. At the time, it may be hard to move past the god or goddess who doesn’t share your affections, but you’ll be much better off waiting for another who does. Here’s how to tell: Do you doubt their affections? Are you spending far too much time fantasizing about ways to get you two together? Are you too attached to the outcome? Well, then, the answer is probably that they don’t like you.

If they’re smiling when they see you, engaging in conversation with you, and are genuinely interested in getting to know you then they probably like you, but ultimately, if you’re doubting something about your encounters then they probably don’t.

In my junior year of college I was majorly crushing on this guy who seemed to be everything I wanted. I went out of my way to see him- planning witty conversations for us to have and analyzing everything he did when we were together. A few weeks later I discovered he wasn’t all he was cracked up to be- he was a ladies man, kind of self-centered and most of all, he never stepped forward with the feelings I was sure he had. I was a bit crushed but ultimately glad to have moved past that.

A few months later, I met Arlo. He was everything this guy was not- genuine, friendly, honest, and ultimately he actually liked me and wanted to get to know me. Even when I  wasn’t sure whether I liked him, I never doubted his affections for me.

So, if you’re concerned about whether your latest crush actually likes you, remove yourself from the situation, meditate, exercise and then ask yourself “Do I feel good about this?” If the answer is no, then allow yourself the space and time to move on. However, if you’re getting a similar vibe from them- just go for it. Your courage to ask them out will just give them another reason to like you, because, after all, you’re awesome.

Anastasia Strgar, a recent graduate from the University of Oregon with a B.A  in journalism, has been writing about love and relationships for several years. She has written short stories and romance novels, penned the love and sex column  in the  school newspaper and wrote several blogs. As the eldest of founder Wendy Strgar’s four children, she has been inspired by watching her parents’ marriage and strives to put those lessons to use in her own relationship. She believes that teaching her peers early on about how to maintain healthy relationships  is essential to creating a future generation of loving partnerships. She currently works as the Director of Public Relations and Magazine Editor at Good Clean Love.