Our physical pain gives voice to all that we refuse to hear and say. On a recent visit with my mother, our emotional truce was based on an agreement to not say our real feelings or expect to be heard or understood. Before her arrival, I was convinced that I was over my need for anything from her. A couple of days into the visit, I slipped on icy stairs and fell squarely on my butt. I still have a six inch bruise as proof. I couldn’t speak about a desire to be accepted by my mother, so instead, I talked about the pain in my ass.

Many relationships follow this model. We refuse to even tell ourselves what we want and need the most. We act like we don’t care when our feelings are hurt and many of us never connect the nagging indigestion or pain in the low back with these feelings.

Today I have no choice but to actually listen to that pain in my butt which is as old as my butt. How to reconcile myself to relationships that I will never experience but still want, screams from my low back. There is no comfortable position except when I am really feeling the pain of what is missing.

My work at healing this old wound happens as I parent my own children, live in my marriage, and work on teaching about love in my business. Clearly I have a long way to go. Emotional and physical pain go hand in hand. The amazing thing is that giving voice and language to your emotional pain actually alleviates your physical pain. Experiencing my emotional pain viscerally gives me room to breathe and takes the ache out of my back. Give yourself permission to give voice to your feelings. It may just take the pain out of your back.