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On My Back

Lying on my back staring up at the ceiling over the last several days has given me an opportunity to reflect. Enforced stillness will do that to even the most stubborn among us. Refusing all opportunities to create quiet in the hectic pace that I call my life, finally my body gave it to me- no questions asked.

A friend of mine suggested that I put my hand on my back and ask what it was trying to say. I was skeptical, but not going anywhere in any case. I have to say that I had no idea of the grief, fear and self-doubt that lived between my hips. Moving at a crawl and sometimes not even that fast, forced me to feel what I have been holding and express it. There are moments that it feels like a rushing river and others where I feel washed clean.

Each day I wake up feeling a little bit stronger, able to hold myself erect a little longer. As I think about the opportunity in the crisis and the process of healing I know this- it is all about letting go. It is the very nature of forgiveness that allows a body to heal. When we let go of fight, flight and hiding from what is in us- the release creates a place to rest and rebuild. I am still not as strong as I thought I was before the crash, but I somehow feel stronger feeling my weakness and creating the space to rest.