by Wendy Strgar December 26, 2017
I have always been restless and prone to being busy. I love my work and have for so long confused who I am with what I do that most days I find myself doing from dawn until late into the night. Consequently, it has taken me years to learn the true value of rest. In this way, I am also a perfect product of a culture that encourages rushing, celebrates the frenzy of the chase and equates resting with laziness. It has taken me decades to understand that rest is not the opposite of effort, rather it is the source, the nourishment, the energetic food for all that we aspire to accomplish.
The most compelling form of wisdom that aging offers is the realization that taking time away gives you the perspective and answers that elude you the more you try to force things. Leonardo Da Vinci, once wrote: “Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer. Go some distance away because then the work appears smaller and more of it can be taken in at a glance and a lack of harmony and proportion is more readily seen.”
Besides the obvious benefits of increased clarity that rest affords, committing to resting is profoundly sexy. While learning to rest offers multiple health benefits, the most compelling might be that a healthy sexual response is incompatible with perpetual stress. The limbic brain cannot simultaneously process libido and anxiety, which goes a long way in explaining why fatigue is one of the top-cited reasons for not wanting to be sexual. And waning libido is only one of the many consequences of our refusal to rest; in truth, it impacts everything from weight loss to emotional stability and mental acuity. So, even if this is the only reason to be motivated to make this change, know that as your mind and body relax, your access to your libido increases. Know that making a commitment to learn to savor the sweet release of rest, which is a qualitatively different response from giving in grudgingly to our exhaustion, will enhance your sexuality.
One reason that many of us never really learn to let go long enough to relax is that there are precious few opportunities to really get away. Disengaging from our smart phone technologies has become increasingly challenging, keeping you more addicted and less connected to everything you were trying to leave behind on most vacations. On top of that, our wired connectivity doesn’t actually slow down our lives, giving us more freedom and time as promised, but rather keeps our attention constantly occupied. Going to bed with a light of a screen has become the new norm. Too often we portion our sleep, with just enough to get up and start all over again, but never allow ourselves to surrender to the empty, silent space that real rest takes up.
Embracing the deeply renewable power of resting is how I have come to understand on a cellular level that life is so much more than the sum of our accomplishments. It is too easy to forget the truth that there is not really a there to get to and truly appreciate the wonder of nowhere but here. Discovering this kind of present moment awareness is the key to finding the rest that transforms us.
So as you plan for 2018, give yourself the bold gift of rest. See how long you can sleep and pay attention to what it feels like to wake up rested. Get some distance from the day-to-day bustle and then, looking back over your shoulder, see if the weight of your responsibilities looks different. Learning how to rest is the source of true mastery and the foundation of everything that is sustainable. Learning to savor stillness and witness ourselves independently from our endless activity will not only feed and nourish our ability to move forward, but will likely open us to the joy and satisfaction that is the point of all the doing to begin with.
by Wendy Strgar July 26, 2018
by Wendy Strgar July 12, 2018
by Wendy Strgar June 13, 2018
I remember one of the fathers of a little girl on a soccer team I was coaching years ago who came out to me and told me he was going to go through a transgender process. We were friends, so I was able to ask him about his motivations to go through the painful and expensive process. He said he wanted to finally look how he felt.