“Beyond a certain point, the whole universe becomes a continuous process of initiation.” -Robert Anton Wilson
I am learning a whole new level of resilience in my life of late. It is a real initiation into a whole new consciousness that goes beyond the incremental shifts in point of view and requires the full on leap out of the way things have been into a net that shows up just because you believe it will be there.
I have spent months of this positivity quest “trying” to increase the positivity ration in my thoughts and actions. I have curtailed a lot of my spontaneous negative thinking that many of us don’t even know is coming out of us and at us all day long.
But when the going gets rough, sales are low, people don’t return your calls and the fear that you are running out of time starts to create low grade anxiety that can easily escalate into panic, this is when the real merit of a meditation practice and an inclination towards positive thinking declares itself.
It is easy, really easy to let your mind go into overdrive during these times as we are essentially driven to problem solving when the situation feels threatening. Over thinking, scheming, and comparing seem to happen almost as soon as I become conscious. Especially in the middle of the night, I am susceptible to the random and ridiculous thought that can get my heart racing. Even with a warror’s (think Castenada) willingness to lose everything, my mind races forward trying to find solutions.
The real solution is to stop looking out there for a solution. It is cleaning house internally and finding the truth of one self. Resilience is the heart of a warrior, who is ready to lose anything out there but knows s/he can never abandon one self. Hanging onto your beliefs about what you are doing, focusing on the why of it, drilling down and hanging onto the meaning of your life and work is the way.
No one outside of you can give you that and the more that you claim it and allow it to direct your choices, the more that the road does actually rise to meet your feet. There is a mental knowing that you can have about faith. There is a cognitive trust in what is unseen that comes with vigilant attention. It requires effort to sustain and manifest the texture of this mental space. Then sometimes we are blessed with the grace to integrate this knowing at a cellular level. The initiation process is completed and there is a radical shift in view. Forgiveness, gratitude and unquestioning faith all share some aspect of both how it feels and what it means to come to life with a different consciousness.
Sometimes all it takes is realizing that we are really and truly done with how things are. I am here now, free falling and knowing that there is a net.
