by Good Clean Love Staff May 26, 2011
By Dr Tammy Nelson
Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger cheat on Maria Shriver? Did he feel like he could? Was it because he was the boss of California and the power that comes with being in such a visible position drove him to do it? Did he also drive a big car? Nothing seems like a good enough excuse. And the excuse, “well, all men cheat” isn’t true either.
Some of our inherent and often misconstrued expectations about sex and marriage include things like, “all men cheat,” or “it doesn’t count if it’s online” or “its not really a threat to my marriage if I never plan on leaving my wife for her” or “what’s the harm if its only a strip club?” or “paying for sex doesn’t really mean I am having an affair” or the ultimate: “marriage kills your sex life.”
Monogamy agreements are based on religion, culture, community and family. The implicit monogamy agreement is an individual’s expectation of fidelity – usually never even discussed with a potential mate.
These implicit expectations are often hidden or nonverbal. It is almost as if the couple expects that they should be able to read the other’s mind. “If you really loved me you would know what I expect without me having to tell you.”
Did Arnold expect that cheating came with the territory of rich, famous, movie star, politician lifestyle?
And what are we teaching the children in the upcoming generation about cheating?
I heard that one of Arnold’s sons tweeted recently, “….This is just a bump in the road. And since we all drive hummers, we should get over it soon.”
For more info on Dr Tammy Nelson go to www.drtammynelson.com. She is the author of What’s Eating You, Getting the Sex You Want and the upcoming The New Monogamy.
by Wendy Strgar May 17, 2018
It becomes hard to trust your own thinking when nothing seems to be working. The space between how I thought it would go and how it is going seems to widen in front of my eyes. Maybe most difficult of all is how often the undesirable outcomes around us spill over into our relationships, both at home and at work. An errant comment too easily turns into an argument. I become blind to my impact on people around me, caught up in the unresolved problems surrounding me. During times like these, we often underestimate the power of the choices we make and how it can create a path back towards what’s working or down the slippery slope of self-destruction, which my husband affectionately calls “flirting with the gutter.”
Here is my short list to making it better when it isn’t working at all. Each one helps you do the next one, so start at the beginning and work your way down.
by Wendy Strgar May 03, 2018
by Wendy Strgar April 26, 2018