by Wendy Strgar December 20, 2013
“How did it happen that their lips came together? How does it happen that birds sing, that snow melts, that the rose unfolds, that the dawn whitens behind the stark shapes of trees on the quivering summit of the hill? A kiss, and all was said.” ~Victor Hugo
As the days of giving and receiving gifts come upon us, let us not forget the true presence that most of our loved one’s crave from us may well be wrapped up within our lips and not a box. Taking the time to deeply connect in the midst of holiday festivities creates the most memorable moments we enjoy in the holidays. And with or without the mistletoe, our kisses have the ability to communicate our true feelings, desire and intention better than anything we can buy or even say to those we love. This is because kissing consumes the present moment and saturates our senses with the fullness of each other. So here are a few tips to enjoy the holiday season to its fullest and jumpstart the New Year with new levels of passion.
1. Learn Philemetology
The study of philematology has much to impart to this most sacred form of communication that humans have shared since the dawn of time. Our human lips have the slimmest layer of skin on the body and are among the most densely populated with sensory neurons of any bodily region, more so than fingertips or even genitalia. That isn’t the only place where the human body is wired to kiss. Half of our cranial neurons influence the kiss by releasing a cascade of neural messages and chemicals, which create the intense euphoric sensations and the vital signals about the sexual/mating potential.
2. Master the Basics
As you approach a kiss, consider each of the three primary elements that ignite a kissing conversation, including breath, lips and tongue. Where many novice kissers falter is their underestimation of scent. Being prepared for a kiss begins with basic oral hygiene. In fact, it is impossible to kiss someone whose smell offends you, so brushing teeth or taking breath mints is fundamental. Although it seems like stating the obvious, breathe through your nose while kissing and let your slight pulling back to take a deeper breath help slow down and connect you while you kiss. Although a racing heart and gasping for air is not uncommon during intense kissing, it can be a little off-putting at the beginning of the interlude.
3. Speak in Tongues
The agile tongue can speak volumes in a kiss. Unfortunately, many people think the French kiss is as simple as basic insertion of their tongue in the mouth of their partner. Nothing can kill a kissing mood like a sloppy tongue in the midst of a tentative open-mouthed kissing conversation. Consider the tongue like a diplomat, and just like a good conversationalist, use the tongue judiciously to communicate interest, curiosity and intrigue. A light tongue tracing the lips and a quick darting meeting of tongues in the center of open lips is incredibly exciting and will open the conversation to new levels.
4. Hone your intentions with a soft mouth
The key to a good kiss comes from the power of your intention, which is translated as attraction and love for the beloved. Even the most technically skilled kissers often fall short when their kiss is insincere. Whether the intended kiss is just a little peck or inviting a longer conversation with an open mouthed kiss, the way you hold your lips is critical. Our lips are covered with thousands of nerve endings and have the ability to communicate soft opening as well as firm control. Experiment with softening your lips even for a short kiss and see how that changes the dialogue. Hard kisses with tight lips can be overwhelming even in the midst of serious passion. Soft open mouth kisses invite your partner into a dialogue, which is the goal. Feel for response. Open-mouthed kissing can teach you a lot about opening to relationships: about how to avoid forcing things, as well as giving both partners the opportunity to be active participants choosing their unspoken words.
5. Become an artist
Discovering the art of kissing takes time. The patient kisser has the time to experiment and demonstrate their sensitivity and understanding. Rushing in and trying to take control of the kiss screams amateur and pushes people away more often than pulling them in. Developing the artistic capacity to communicate without words will not only enhance the physical intimacy that you share but you will be surprised at how much safer and more open your verbal conversations will become.
by Wendy Strgar July 26, 2018
by Wendy Strgar July 12, 2018
by Wendy Strgar June 13, 2018
I remember one of the fathers of a little girl on a soccer team I was coaching years ago who came out to me and told me he was going to go through a transgender process. We were friends, so I was able to ask him about his motivations to go through the painful and expensive process. He said he wanted to finally look how he felt.