Always happy to see signs of reason returning to the headlines of our newspapers- today the LA Times reported five states: Wisconsin, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Montana and New Jersey, which despite the dwindling coffers of public funding have turned down the Just Say No to Sex money being doled out to only teach abstinence. Not only does the money carry the obligation to forgo any real education on real health concerns or contraception, but it obliges teachers to tell lies like sex out of wedlock “is likely to have harmful psychological and physical effects.”
Not only is this Just Say No approach teaching a wide range of inaccurate information to kids, it is also not effective. The federal government is using these millions of dollars to fund ideological programs, not health care or medical programs. It is actually reassuring to know that all the brainwashing in the world will not silence the desire that humans have for each other. Our collective human drive towards sexuality is not just a function of survival and procreation, it reflects our deepest needs of love and intimacy.
So here is my fantasy educational program for young people- Sex is a healthy outcome of loving and respectful relationships. Intimacy that is shared in the context of healthy communications and committed caring relationships connects us to our most human fragility and strength. Boys especially, need to learn a language that connects their drive to feel sexual with a need to be loved. Girls need to feel powerful to control their bodies and give love when they feel it.
Learning to love another person is one of life’s greatest challenges. Our children witness this in the relationships that they grow up in. They want to make good decisions and they deserve an education which not only prepares them for the potential risks of pre-marital sex, but gets them thinking and connecting to what sex is really for- to learn to trust, to learn to stay committed, to learn to feel the wonderful joys of physical love and the responsibility it entails. Sign me up.
