by Wendy Strgar October 16, 2006
The question that comes up most often when I suggest that we give up this idea that we should be in the mood to engage in or respond to an invitation for intimacy is, How do you do it? So I know it is not much of a response to say, well just do it… but here’s the thing, a lot of people actually really enjoy the closeness and the sensations of intimacy once they get started. Leaping over the mental clutter of the day, or letting go of an insensitive remark is oftentimes the only hurdle between you and a love experience.
For me the most powerful tool, is just a flash of memory about how much I enjoy sex. Even if I am not feeling particularly aroused, if I can just remind myself that it’s in me, somewhere, I can sometimes open the door. Mood setting is a good idea too, music and candles are sometimes enough to flip the switch. Also, lingerie can be an easy way to find the sexy part of oneself. It’s amazing how different clothes make you feel differently, you know like a power suit, a sweet nighty can really change one’s mood. Any other good ideas out there? I’ll keep reporting on this, because getting to the other side of this hill is worth the push up.
by Wendy Strgar May 22, 2018
There is no time like long summer nights to cultivate our uniquely, profoundly human capacity for pleasure, especially sexual pleasure. Our pleasure response transforms our relationship to each other and even to life itself. Focusing on pleasure not only changes how we see our opportunities for intimate connection, but also invites us into a deeper relationship with our erotic soul.
by Wendy Strgar May 17, 2018
It becomes hard to trust your own thinking when nothing seems to be working. The space between how I thought it would go and how it is going seems to widen in front of my eyes. Maybe most difficult of all is how often the undesirable outcomes around us spill over into our relationships, both at home and at work. An errant comment too easily turns into an argument. I become blind to my impact on people around me, caught up in the unresolved problems surrounding me. During times like these, we often underestimate the power of the choices we make and how it can create a path back towards what’s working or down the slippery slope of self-destruction, which my husband affectionately calls “flirting with the gutter.”
Here is my short list to making it better when it isn’t working at all. Each one helps you do the next one, so start at the beginning and work your way down.
by Wendy Strgar May 03, 2018