The question that comes up most often when I suggest that we give up this idea that we should be in the mood to engage in or respond to an invitation for intimacy is, How do you do it? So I know it is not much of a response to say, well just do it… but here’s the thing, a lot of people actually really enjoy the closeness and the sensations of intimacy once they get started. Leaping over the mental clutter of the day, or letting go of an insensitive remark is oftentimes the only hurdle between you and a love experience. 

For me the most powerful tool, is just a flash of memory about how much I enjoy sex. Even if I am not feeling particularly aroused, if I can just remind myself that it’s in me, somewhere, I can sometimes open the door. Mood setting is a good idea too, music and candles are sometimes enough to flip the switch. Also, lingerie can be an easy way to find the sexy part of oneself. It’s amazing how different clothes make you feel differently, you know like a power suit, a sweet nighty can really change one’s mood. Any other good ideas out there? I’ll keep reporting on this, because getting to the other side of this hill is worth the push up.