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Learning About Orgasm


Hi, I am a 21-year-old female. I can’t seem to come when I have sex and that bothers my partner because he doesn’t think he’s done his part. I mean, it’s great sex but I just can’t come. What’s wrong with me?


Thanks for this question. There is nothing wrong with you. This is an issue that effects millions of women. Not being able to orgasm is a problem for a third of all women. Of the women who do have orgasms, many women only orgasm occasionally and without really understanding why it works or doesn’t. Opening up to the experience of orgasm is a process and having a partner who is interested and supportive of your process is a gift.

Experiencing orgasm with another person requires trust- both in yourself and your partner. Sharing deep sexual pleasure requires a deep letting go and vulnerability. It is essential that your relationship feels safe. This is also an experience that you can’t force so trying to let go of worry and starting to feel all the sensations that happen in your sexual experiences is a good place to start.

Also keep in mind, that like any life skill, achieving a consistently pleasurable sex life takes practice and patience and education. There are many great books to give you ideas about enjoying your sexuality- so look around and find a book that feels like it speaks to your experience. Our website has many good choices.