"Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are." ~Chinese Proverb
I am relearning who I am and reveling in the quiet simplicity of not trying to be or do anymore. Folding wash, baking cupcakes, sleeping until I wake myself- these are the pure pleasures of living. This weekend was pure bliss; in pajamas late into the morning and back again early in the evening. What a lovely retreat to settle into home without any pressure to get anywhere.
I have been carrying around a huge weight of unresolved issues and impending deadlines from work. It is hard to remember what I love about my job lately. It is hard to remember myself in the midst of stress that starts to resemble me. I would much rather explore the other me, the relaxed and curious me whose every problem can be solved by an extended stay in a hot bath.
The truth is that we are not the multi-tasking problem solvers that we build our lives around. Antoine de Saint-Exupery was correct when he reminded us, "The field of consciousness is tiny. It accepts only one problem at a time." Getting over my idea that I can attend to multiple priorities at once is an ongoing process that has already paid great dividends when I can respect my limits. Actually, most of us are pretty good when we only have one problem at a time to resolve.
It is also helpful to not rank the order of difficulty or importance of the long to-do list. Ranking some issues higher than others, when they all need to get attended to, only serves to put even more pressure on getting the ""unimportant"" tasks done. In the end, all the chauffeuring of my kids or even walking my dogs is as important as any business conversation, because all those areas balance my whole life. I am not willing to sacrifice any of them.
In the hectic pace at the office, I try to recall Gandhi's wise words: "There is more to life than increasing its speed." And this wisdom came from a man who changed the course of history while fasting and spinning cloth. There is extraordinary power in keeping close to oneself while solving the problems that arise in the course of working at life. I know that my work and my thoughts are more on target in the moments that I come out of resting and meditation.
I am ready for another weekend...but actually, the gift would be to take this weekend education into the week...Let me practice taking the rest I need. Let me honor a pace that is sustainable and remember this: "Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths." ~Etty Hillesum