Lately, I am having to do a lot of practice with going through the motions of my Positivity work. Meditation, usually a deep solace, is hard to stay focused. I drift into thoughts and concerns for half my time and then awaken to what I have missed. Likewise, with my exercise routines, my clogged head feels like it is dead weight on a body that is weak. My emotions and thoughts pull me back over and over to what is wrong around me or worse still within me.
I am back to switching my wristband all day, reminding me to interrupt the toxic thoughts that come fast and easily. My efforts feel hollow and my healing inaccessible. I remind myself that this is what illness feels like, this is what anxiety feels like, this is what grieving does.
I tell other people this too, that sometimes positivity practice is just going through the motions. Fake it until you make it. Quitting at a juncture like this seems sensible but I know better. Crawling back from these challenging moments is painfully difficult but without the framework of your practices in place, getting back to neutral can feel unattainable.
So go through the motions. Do what usually works even if you can’t feel it. The feeling will return.