“The only thing about masturbation to be ashamed of is doing it badly.” –Sigmund Freud
Shared pleasure depends on one’s capacity to pleasure themselves, which is why most sex therapists refer to the practice of masturbation as the foundation of sexual health. And just for the record, masturbation is the most common sexual practice on the planet. It is not just for lonely people either: surveys conducted by the Kinsey Institute show that people of all ages masturbate both in and out of relationships. Kinsey’s data reports that almost 40% of men and 30% of women in relationships masturbated. A study of Playboy readers found that 72% of married men masturbated, and a study of Redbook readers found that 68% of married women masturbated. Yet even given those statistics, self-pleasure remains a behavior cloaked in shame that people still feel they have to hide from their partner.
What many women may overlook are the many ways female self pleasure can make you a sexier and more empowered lover… Let me count them for you.
- As you become more comfortable with exploring your own body and knowing the kinds of touch that make you light up, you become a more interesting and articulate lover. Women who lie in bed waiting for their man to magically wake up their sexy transmit that passive helplessness into their sexual partnerships. Sadly, they often end up defaulting to the tragically outdated pleasure of “Well, he liked it … which is good enough for me.” Learning your self pleasure methods makes you a much more engaging and exciting female sexual partner.
- Boldly giving yourself permission to explore your pleasure response replaces fear and shame with authentic curiosity and freedom, the key ingredients to a vital orgasmic response. And in fact, discovering your own orgasmic capacity and owning it for yourself frees you from “needing” your partner to get you there. Instead, it opens up the door to a passionate exchange that unfolds anew every time. The more curious you are about finding your female self pleasure, the more freedom your partner has to explore, too. Shared sexual discovery is magnetic.
- Having access to your own orgasmic potential — and having the language to share your pleasure response with an eager partner — is where sexy becomes mind-blowing. Not only are you both freed of having to be or do something to please the other, but the freedom to be responsible to the pleasure itself instead of each other opens up previously forbidden realms for exploration. Better still, shared pleasure seeking that is fueled by the ability to communicate translates into more intimacy in even the least sexy parts of relating, like those mundane but necessary discussions about who’s buying groceries and paying bills.
- Showing up as an empowered sexual being in your bedroom makes you empowered in how you love. Replacing need with articulated self-awareness clarifies even the muddiest waters between couples. Owning ourselves in this deepest place of our female self pleasure becomes a blueprint for intimacy that works on every level.
Get bold, touch yourself, and hear your own moans of pleasure as a declaration of empowerment. You will be happier, sexier, and more capable of the love you want.
Stay tuned for upcoming women sex tips from Wendy Strgar, here at Good Clean Love.