“Misdirected life force is the activity in the disease process.” -Kabbalah

My husband is a man of very few words but this is what he said to me when I told him that sometimes I don’t know what I am fighting for in my life. Often when I return home from time away, the reentry is full of rebellion. The multiple demands of a complex family life feels like an intrusion rather than the life that I...

Even after 25 years, there are still days when I blame my husband for not meeting my needs.
These moments catch me off guard. There is usually little warning as I am going along, doing the next thing in my non-stop routine of growing our four children’s lives, along side the fledgling small business. Then somewhere between mailing the day’s orders, violin lessons, hip-hop pick up and paying for the...

Here is the link to one of the best recaps of sex today in America and abroad…
Author Philip Weiss makes the case for the genetically predisposed male needs for sexual diversity and covers everything from the new form of communal living in polyamory, old issues of prostitution and infidelity and the seemingly unanswerable question about finding the junction between sexuality and long term committed...

Language is the metaphor we use to communicate our deepest feelings. A couple’s sexuality is the most profound vehicle of communication of all. The words we use and our physical language of love define our love experience.

Penetration is the word often used to describe the culminating act of sexuality. It’s a word I often use when describing the best use of good lubricant. But it was just this...

I recently read a beautifully written article about one woman’s account of the journey through breast cancer treatment. During this time, she was teaching writing to inmates in jail. She compared her experience so articulately when she said that they both wanted the same thing- “We both wanted out, or rather, a way back in to our ordinary lives. ” This is the tragedy of life I think, that we...

The chances that you know someone who is divorced, about to divorce or the immediate cause of a divorce are greater than you might think- well actually we all know the statistics- less than 50% of married couples stay married- and affairs are often the precursor to the end. But just this week, a couple we have known well and socialized with intimately joined the statistics- the husband had been...

The headline of the Eugene Register Guard today was “Battling Porn from the Pulpit“. The story was actually three stories on the many faces of pornography. The numbers are impressive no matter what side you are on… Every second $3,075 is being spent on pornography by over 28,000 users on the internet- yes, that was every second. There are over 4.2 million porn websites which makes up 12% of all...

Here is a remarkably accurate list of terms that a woman you know might say to you and the meaning that is implied. The code list is funny to those of us who share the lexicon because it makes us realize how we cover the things we are communicating in a dignified and acceptable form, whilst actually saying the thing we want to say.

There are definitely terms on this list that my husband still does...

I have been on vacation for the last 3 weeks with my family in Europe. Sounds exotic, I know, but the reality is not so much exotic as it is a crash course in learning how to love. Life at home with four kids is an on the go experience with multiple personalities and conflicting needs- but I realize now, that our busy life style actually only allows us an hour or two per day to interact as a unit....

I have been traveling in parts of the world where I cannot even say “how do you say ….” I barely have the basics of hello and goodbye down. And yet as I move through the daily activities of life, shopping at a market, sitting on the coastline in a crowd of people, standing on line to shower or wait for the bathroom. the scenes I witness between parents and children, lovers – old and young are more...

This is my fifteen-year-old son’s favorite expression of late. It applies to everything from the right snack selection to a teacher’s grading system. Sometimes it also applies to the meaning that I try to live: about being authentic with the people that mean the most to us.

Authentic communication requires vigilance and presence. Slipping into habitual behaviors that offer protection and cover is...

Avoiding emotional escalation with your partner is an excellent and often successful way to invite a loving passionate response. It is so easy to get caught up in each other’s bad moods that not doing it takes real effort and clarity. Habitual patterns of negative communication feed on each other. One person makes a sniping comment, volley and return with the other person’s pent up rage. Throw a...