The V-Word

The question that comes up most often when I suggest that we give up this idea that we should be in the mood to engage in or respond to an invitation for intimacy is, How do you do it? So I know it is not much of a response to say, well just do it… but here’s the thing, a lot of people actually really enjoy the closeness and the sensations of intimacy once they get started. Leaping over the mental...

Censorship is defined in the dictionary as an official with the power to examine movies, books, television programming and to remove or prohibit anything considered obscene, politically objectionable, etc. There is some general agreement about what constitutes sexual obscenity and objectionable sexual content. I have in the course of my work been faced with situations and people who have very...

People have different expectations and experiences and desires about sex. OK, stating the obvious here, but actually what I mean to say is that people in the same bed, in the same sexual experience often have totally different expectations, experiences and desires… Individual preferences are impacted by everything from our personal history to our comfort with our own body- but because language is...

The cover of the Wall St. Journal today had a fascinating article about an Arab sex therapist who is gaining quite a bit of attention (both negative and positive) by combining a correspondence class in Sex Therapy with teachings from the Koran. As an Islamic woman, Mrs Heba Kotb is taking on the gigantic task of “lifting the veil on a touchy subject.” If that is not the understatement of the year…...

Some days, try as you might, the weight of all the promises yet to keep is almost unbearable. I work at mindfulness, seeing the trees as I drive and noticing a bird overhead or the sound of my children’s voices. I work to create a thought that can move me closer to gratitude and optimism, which sometimes feels like a leap. The thought that moves me with the most certainty every time is knowing...

I rarely speak directly about sex. I feel like I am still inventing a language that I can use comfortably in the world, one that envelops the physical, but also transcends it. It is important to talk about orgasm, and to understand the power of it in daily life. But so much of this language has been usurped by an industry that sells us cheap images of organs, or people who feel like they just met...

I really enjoy reading books for men by men about relationships. It totally confirms for me what I learned when I read my first book about boys while trying to raise my eldest son. The Wonder of Boyswas a total revelation for me, and it taught me more about what had been trying and difficult in my marriage than years of therapy. I remember reading the part about how boys express themselves...

I often tell clients and customers to give up the idea of being in the mood. I feel fortunate to still have an ovulation cycle, changeable as it might be, to remind me of what the surge of hormones can do for my often hard to find libido.  And yet, for as infrequently as those hormones seem to help, I am often looking for other routes to awaken a hunger for desire.

Scent is a remarkable and yet...