“The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness.” – Dalai Lama

I once had a friend who for many years taught me volumes about gratitude, while also teaching me quite a bit about my own capacity for envy. At first glance, it may have been her inherited wealthy lifestyle or seemingly effortless marriage, or her devoted relationships with her loving mother and sister… There...

“Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.” Maggie Kuhn

What remains unsaid in us remains alive. It is the trauma that we cannot acknowledge that burrows deeper inward, sapping our ability to trust ourselves as well as our capacity to connect to others. And among the traumas we experience, sexual abuses are one of the most potent in the ways that it imprints on our memory. This is why Beverly...

“I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” Evelyn Beatrice Hall

Last night I had a book reading for Sex that Works. It was a small gathering as it is really hard to get people out of their cozy homes on a rainy Sundayevening. But inviting people who know me through social media isn’t an option to get the word out either – Facebook’s Zero Tolerance policy...

“Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”  George Bernard Shaw

The day I met my creative designer, the first question he asked me was: “can you change?” I paused for a moment, not really knowing what he was wanting me to change and said, “yes, I think I can change.” That was the beginning of the Good Clean Love design as it lives today. It is also a moment I often go back to in...

“Service is the rent we pay for living. It is the very purpose of our life, and not something you do in your spare time.” Marian Wright Edelman

I make my home in Oregon, a hidden gem of Northwest Pacific Wonderland among our 50 states. Today hundreds of thousands of our beautiful forests are on fire. Half of all the firefighters out working are trying to quell the ravaging burn amidst scorching...

If someone close to you asked you to describe your ideal sexual experience, what kind of encounter would you describe? How would it begin? Who (and what) would be involved? Where would it take place? Most importantly, how would it feel?

For some, the answers to these questions may be easy to articulate. For others, not so much. Being able to voice our deepest personal needs and desires is not...

“It’s not like consent is this big mystery. It’s not about controlling young people… it begins with a sense of responsibility about our own sexual needs that does not hurt or compromise anyone else’s.” – Wendy Strgar

I remember last summer sitting in a room full of 20-something kids, many of whom I had known since middle school. We were working on a project that has since evolved into our Make It...

“The real vulnerability is not from taking off our clothes together, but in baring our hearts to one another…”  Wendy Strgar, Sex that Works

“A consent culture is a society that values and promotes consensual sex, condemns rape and supports survivors of sexual violence…” – Siobhan Donovan, Building a Consent Culture

Almost every interview request I get these days begins with questions about consent; both what it means to say yes to sexual contact and what happens when initial consent goes away. The first thing that I say in these...

“Most people are mirrors, reflecting the moods and emotions of the times; few are windows, bringing light to bear on the dark corners where troubles fester. The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows.”  Sydney Harris

Growing into our sexual selves is a lifelong process, much like growing up in general. But because we don’t have a lot of language for our sexual life, we somehow...

I spent last weekend with hundreds of new mothers and their babies at the Mommycon Chicago conference. I was invited to talk about Sex that Works, my new book about sex after pregnancy and the intimacy problems involved. I was greeted by over 50 mothers and just about as many babies. The conference was geared towards the practice of attachment parenting, an ancient practice the world over where...

Didn’t have the Valentine’s Day you hoped for? Here’s 3 Rules for not making it worse.

Post Valentine’s Day can sometimes be a rocky relational transition. When we don’t feel seen or appreciated in the ways we hoped for, it is easy to slip into behaviors that silently undermine all the heartfelt efforts that we have worked at for so long. So here are a few practices that have helped me time and...