This is the textbook for what sex was made for. Centuries old, Tantric practices are part of a much larger Hindu/Vedic tradition of which sexuality is only part.
In fact, the full practice is a life-long spiritual quest which demonstrates the interconnectedness of everything and includes yoga, meditation, and breath work as well as sexual techniques. However, the Western and more modern interpretation of Tantra has become synonymous with spiritual and sacred sexuality. These Tantric books and practices explore and teach techniques which are capable of elevating the sexual participants to a sublime and ecstatic spiritual plane.
Many teachers caution against the confusion associated with “Tantric bliss” as a path to intense orgasmic pleasure. In fact the power of the practices is often the sublimation of orgasmic pleasure towards a rising spiritual energy of divine connection.
I am not an expert or even a devoted student of Tantric practices. I have read some popular titles and seen a few videos that teach the techniques and have spent some time with on the internet researching the topic. A couple of books to explore include Diana Richardson's The Heart of Tantric Sex: A Unique Guide to Love and Sexual Fulfillment, as well as Tantric Intimacy: Discover the Magic of True Connection by Katrina Box. But, even without a formal education, the principles behind Tantric practice can go a long way in deepening the connection you share with your partner.
There are a few simple techniques that I often recommend to customers and clients without even situating them in the context of Tantra, which in fact is where they came from.
1. Make Love with Your Eyes Wide Open
The idea of making love with your eyes open is one of the fundamentals of deep connection in intimacy. It is surprisingly harder to do than you might expect.
Move toward this idea as an intention rather than a rule, and be amazed at the collection of glimpses that will reshape how you think about your partner and yourself. It is not easy to be seen, even by the people we love. Truly witnessing the act of love is profoundly transformative.
2. Count Your Breaths
Becoming conscious about your breath is central to all Yogic practices and is also foundational in Tantra.
An easy way to start this is to intentionally count your breaths together. Associating breath and penetration – both shallow and deep – forces you and your partner to find a rhythm and timing that is shared. Slowing down to each other and taking a breath with each connection is incredibly exciting.
3. Unite These Two for Greater Connectedness
You can combine these two ideas into one of my favorite intimate activities and see if you can get to the finish line together.
The ground rules are first to keep looking into each other’s eyes, and second, to distinguish between deep and shallow penetration. Starting with shallow and moving towards deep penetration in a count that you both follow requires concentration and focus which alone changes the nature of intimacy.
- The first round is nine shallow and one deep stroke, each one connected through breath and eye contact.
- The second round is eight shallow, two deep.
- The pattern continues and then repeats, if you can, although I have rarely gotten through more than one round.
Showering our physical love with intent and attention is the key to transforming love into a force of unity. My first line of products was called Sacred Moments because even without any study of tantra I knew that the closest we can get to the divine is in the act of making love to someone you really love. Have fun.