by Wendy Strgar March 27, 2009
Having an orgasm starts with feeling aroused. No arousal, no orgasm. Arousal begins in the brain, specifically the limbic area of the brain where our sense of smell intersects with our emotional process, our memory store and our sexuality. Vibrations of arousal and eventually orgasm live in the body and are triggered in the brain. Trust your sense of smell and indulge your olfactory in whatever scents turn you on. Napoleon was well known for requesting his wife to not wash for a week when he was coming home, whereas for other people axe body wash is the ultimate in sexy smells, whatever it is know that our olfactory system has always been foundational to the art of mating and use it to your advantage.
Arousal is a visceral experience and bodies are built for motion. Nowhere is this more useful than in sexual exploration. Although this may seem like stating the obvious, it is not a small percentage of people who tense up and stop moving around in their sexual activity. There is more than hip thrusting to experiment with. Experimenting with moving all of your limbs, rolling your neck and stretching into new positions can trigger arousal points that you didn’t know you had. If you can think of no other reason that wanting to understand more about your orgasmic potential, try and fit in a little bit of core strengthening exercises into your life. Being able to hold onto someone you love from the inside will make you feel both strong and sexy.
Arousal is expressed through our breathing. Becoming aware of breath in sexuality will bring life and orgasm into focus like nothing else. Whether you tend towards long and slow breaths or short, fast inhalations, stop and notice how your breathing affects your connection to your body, your lover and your orgasmic possibilities. Try changing your breathing pattern and see how it transforms the experience. Making an agreement with your partner to synchronize your breathing and movement is a remarkably simple step which has profound impact on lovemaking. Refocusing your breathing will not only deepen your connection, but may also expand your idea of orgasm.
Extending the space between arousal and orgasm is the art of lovemaking. Do your own solo experiments so you know the sensations and buildup that lead you to the point of no return. Practice pulling back from that line and introducing another form of touch or breath and move towards it again. I have long been an advocate of waiting as long as you can to surrender into your orgasm. The longer you wait, the more power and energy is built up and the sweeter the release. Some spiritual techniques suggest moving up and down this arousal tunnel, coming close as close to your orgasmic edge without going over as a spiritual practice. Sounds like a worthy form of meditation, and I don’t question it’s incredibly powerful results.
Arousal messages come through our body as genital secretions. As many as a third of all women do not have a strong natural lubricating response. This easily turns into feelings of low libido and disinterest in sex. After years of birthing and nursing babies, I never have natural wetness so I was heartened to discover that a small application of great, clean lubricant will kick start the arousal cycle as well as my memory of natural lubrication did. Not only that, but adding healthy lubricant ingredients ensures pain less friction, more time to experiment and is a critical companion to experiencing orgasm. I would be hard pressed to not admit to making the best lubricant on the market, but many people enjoy other types of lubricants- so find what is best for your body.
Fantasy can either be helpful or harmful to your orgasmic journey. Having fantasies that conjure up guilt and take you out of your physical experience and away from your partner are generally not going to move you closer to orgasm. However, imagining other illicit relationships for you and your partner, and here, you only need to read a small bit of sexual history can be seriously passion producing. I can never repeat the strange and fantastical thoughts that go through my head afterwards, but as I have come to bear witness to them, I have experienced whole new levels in my orgasmic potential.
So go forth, flirt with arousal, don’t judge your experience or compare it to anyone else’s and enjoy the ride. If there is any journey worth taking over and over again, it is the one to our most innate and miraculous human pleasure.
by Wendy Strgar October 25, 2018
“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” –Antoine de Saint-Exupery
We believe we are making it better by shielding ourselves from our own pain. This is a fool’s errand, for the pain we refuse to feel and acknowledge doesn’t dissipate from our lacking attention, but rather collects in our heart center with a weightiness that we often cannot name or discern. So fearful are we, of the potential of a broken heart, that we inadvertently refuse to open our hearts at all.
by Wendy Strgar September 13, 2018