The Mysterious O – Lifting the Mystery

by Wendy Strgar March 27, 2009

‘Sex-positive, a term that’s coming into cultural awareness, isn’t a dippy love-child celebration of orgone � it’s a simple yet radical affirmation that we each grow our own passions on a different medium, that instead of having two or three or even half a dozen sexual orientations, we should be thinking in terms of millions.’ – Dr. Carol Queen

Orgasm is a product of a sexually healthy lifestyle and sexual health is derived from positive sexual education. Imagine if we believed that we all had a basic right to sexual health and instead of a shame and fear based explanations of sexuality, which mostly focus on avoiding sexuality, we were all privileged to a comprehensive sexual education which was both non-judgmental and focused on the life enhancing aspects of human sexuality. Imagine if we grew up believing that pleasure was a normal and healthy part of maturing sexuality. The world could not stay the same.

The term sex-positive has been floating around since the early 80’s and developed in response to the anti-porn feminist movement. This idea tried to make a space for respecting and creating healthy sexual identities and relationships. Working to redefine our culture that makes us fearful and ignorant about sexuality � others, and ours is a process of education and intent. It means that going beyond the limited view of ‘normal’ and recognizing our sexual prejudices for what they are, much as one would work toward an awareness of racism, disability-phobia, or other forms of systemic prejudice that influences our judgments and our actions.

Many companies have adopted the term sex-positive to differentiate themselves and to emphasize their belief in providing the products, education and resources to create a healthy sexual society for everyone. In addition to paying attention to the quality of their products, they also normalize the huge range of interests and identity that make up our collective sexuality. They serve as reminders and inspiration for all of us as we continue the steep climb out of the sexual dark ages as governments, including our own, continue to legislate our sexuality and morality.

‘Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are�’; These words by Anna Freud have yet to be integrated into our sexual education and help us move beyond the compartmentalizing of our sexual selves. Establishing healthy boundaries around our sexuality is different from the prisons we build for ourselves by continuously denying our sexual longings and feeling ashamed about our sexual identities. Unlocking the door between who we are and what we choose for our sex lives is fundamental to building a life that includes intimate pleasure.

School is back in session this week. Take the opportunity to re-educate yourself about what healthy sexuality means to you and decide what you want your children to know about their own sexual development. Build a curriculum for yourself and the people that you love that allow you to expand your ideas about your sexuality and experience pleasure without shame. We are sexual beings, and this instinctive procreative urge has the power to transform all aspects of our health.

Feeling your sexiness in not only your body, but your mind and spirit as well will not only open up your experience in your bedroom, but may also make you feel more beautiful as you walk down the street or even more articulate in a dinner conversation. Allowing your sexuality to penetrate your personality and add color to your daily life will not only enhance the days, but may well bring the power of your whole self into focus. Giving yourself permission to witness and interact with the world through your sexuality is the first step in understanding the depth and connections that live in us between our physical, psychological and spiritual experience of sexual selves.

Also in Making Love Sustainable

Celebrating Summer: Three Easy Ways to Welcome Pleasure

by Wendy Strgar May 22, 2018

There is no time like long summer nights to cultivate our uniquely, profoundly human capacity for pleasure, especially sexual pleasure. Our pleasure response transforms our relationship to each other and even to life itself. Focusing on pleasure not only changes how we see our opportunities for intimate connection, but also invites us into a deeper relationship with our erotic soul.

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advice awareness Balance Health Making Love Sustainable mental health Mindfulness Positivity

Resilience and the Four Steps to Emotional Intelligence

by Wendy Strgar May 17, 2018

It becomes hard to trust your own thinking when nothing seems to be working. The space between how I thought it would go and how it is going seems to widen in front of my eyes. Maybe most difficult of all is how often the undesirable outcomes around us spill over into our relationships, both at home and at work. An errant comment too easily turns into an argument. I become blind to my impact on people around me, caught up in the unresolved problems surrounding me. During times like these, we often underestimate the power of the choices we make and how it can create a path back towards what’s working or down the slippery slope of self-destruction, which my husband affectionately calls “flirting with the gutter.”

Here is my short list to making it better when it isn’t working at all. Each one helps you do the next one, so start at the beginning and work your way down.

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Lighting the Path to Orgasm

by Wendy Strgar May 03, 2018

Some of my most vivid memories of my early sex life are not of the satisfying post-coitus elated release, but the opposite. It is hard to forget the many years when sex was more a path of frustration than pleasure; when I was still figuring out how my body responded and why it often didn’t. In retrospect, I think it was my strong intention to find pleasure that kept me coming back to try again – of being willing to live inside the questions I had about pleasure even without many answers. 

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