by Wendy Strgar February 04, 2011
“How silver-sweet sound lovers’ tongues by night,
Like softest music to attending ears!” -William Shakespeare
Remember the hushed make-out sessions of your youth? Rarely did we allow ourselves to sound out our pleasure lest our parents would hear. For many of us, not wanting others to hear any evidence of our intimate encounters still carries some left over shame that keeps a heavy lid on our ability to experience our own pleasure decades later. After our parents, it was the neighbors, after the neighbors, it was the kids….
I am not talking about dirty words, although those certainly can ignite a passionate situation as well as clarify boundaries when necessary. Words come from the higher thinking function in our brains. Sounds of arousal like “mmmmm,” “oooooh,” and “ahhhh” actually help turn the thinking brain off. Expressing your pleasure through sound initiates a primal place in your brain.
Think about the last time you ate something profoundly delicious and the sound of “ooh” and “ahhh” rushing out of you as the taste melts in your mouth. Allowing the sound to accompany the experience actually makes it taste even better and the flavor is more memorable. This doubles for an intimate experience… allowing your sounds to accentuate the visceral pleasure makes the experience bigger and better.
Adding the power of sound to lovemaking has some magical qualities, too. Sound, in its most basic form, carries resonance in our body and communicates that directly to the bodies nearby. Many meditation techniques are based in the practice of resonant chanting, which attune the energy field and body rhythms connecting us to ourselves and to each other.
Connecting through sound frequency has the added benefit of turning off our critical minds. It is impossible to simultaneously express a deep “ahhh” and be thinking about your self doubts. The primal pleasure takes over and shuts off the Ego that is often trying to disrupt deep connection.
There is little room for miscommunication with our true arousal sounds. In fact, there may not be a more direct feedback mechanism to your partner when s/he finds the magic spot and hears your voice raise an octave. Sound without words invites your partner into the mystery of your arousal and in turn, heats up their arousal.
Experiment with sounds in life. Try it with something delicious first and see if the taste isn’t just a little bit better… then find a time and space where you can let your sound lead you with your lover and prepare to be amazed by how deeply you resonate in love.
Wendy is the founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, a woman-owned company whose mission is to improve the experience of love in the world. Good Clean Love specializes in all-natural, organic intimacy products with no petro-chemical or parabens. Strgar also contributes to green sites such as Care2, Green Girls, and Elephant Journal.
by Wendy Strgar July 26, 2018
by Wendy Strgar July 12, 2018
by Wendy Strgar June 13, 2018
I remember one of the fathers of a little girl on a soccer team I was coaching years ago who came out to me and told me he was going to go through a transgender process. We were friends, so I was able to ask him about his motivations to go through the painful and expensive process. He said he wanted to finally look how he felt.