by Wendy Strgar July 29, 2007
Lubrication is a fact of life. In any relationship where working parts are at play, whether it be an engine, a dinner party or an evening of love, everything works better when it is well oiled. Lubrication allows for glide, ease and effectiveness. When lubrication is working well, it is invisible, a thought we don’t have. When it isn’t working, we know it immediately, although not always by its name. An engine without oil locks up in minutes, awkward silence and uncomfortable gazing down into the lap is immediately recognizable.
Lacking lubrication in intimacy can take on multiple forms and occur for a myriad of reasons. Age, childbearing and nursing and some medications are often the cause of vaginal dryness and its associated pain in sex. Often this physiological issue is accompanied by a lack of sexual drive because our natural lubrication also acts as a sign that we are aroused. I remember in my teens and twenties when vaginal wetness was a fact of life and arousal happened sometimes without even noticing it. Those body memories are stored deep in our psyche, and the good news is that triggering them can be as easy as finding the right lubrication.
There are many brands of lubricants available on the market. Largely they break down into three main categories- water based lubricants, silicone based lubricants and oil based lubricants. Each category has its benefits and weaknesses and it is increasingly important to be informed about the choices and consequences associated with different product ingredients.
I started my own love product company because so many products that I used after the birth of my third and fourth child only served to further irritate the situation. Soaking myself in late night baths, I often wondered what was wrong with me, and why none of these products were helping me enjoy sex. Being exhausted with burning genitals, instead of feeling satisfied made it easy to believe that the problem was with me, not the products.
This is a problem that many women share. Because so many lubricants that are commonly sold share the same base petrochemical ingredients, the resulting irritation can occur from almost every product you try. Here is the good news- there are more and more clean and natural products all the time. So if you haven’t found real sexual healing pleasure try a new lube- my Good Clean Love products are a good place to start as are the Firefly lubricants also available on the internet.
Advice on intimacy from your friendly neighborhood loveologist…
by Wendy Strgar May 22, 2018
There is no time like long summer nights to cultivate our uniquely, profoundly human capacity for pleasure, especially sexual pleasure. Our pleasure response transforms our relationship to each other and even to life itself. Focusing on pleasure not only changes how we see our opportunities for intimate connection, but also invites us into a deeper relationship with our erotic soul.
by Wendy Strgar May 17, 2018
It becomes hard to trust your own thinking when nothing seems to be working. The space between how I thought it would go and how it is going seems to widen in front of my eyes. Maybe most difficult of all is how often the undesirable outcomes around us spill over into our relationships, both at home and at work. An errant comment too easily turns into an argument. I become blind to my impact on people around me, caught up in the unresolved problems surrounding me. During times like these, we often underestimate the power of the choices we make and how it can create a path back towards what’s working or down the slippery slope of self-destruction, which my husband affectionately calls “flirting with the gutter.”
Here is my short list to making it better when it isn’t working at all. Each one helps you do the next one, so start at the beginning and work your way down.
by Wendy Strgar May 03, 2018