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Understanding Woman Speak

Here is a remarkably accurate list of terms that a woman you know might say to you and the meaning that is implied. The code list is funny to those of us who share the lexicon because it makes us realize how we cover the things we are communicating in a dignified and acceptable form, whilst actually saying the thing we want to say.

There are definitely terms on this list that my husband still does not quite get- which are deeply frustrating for both of us. The funny thing is that getting closer to the real meaning is often no more helpful than finishing the discussion with “fine.” Let me know what you think and if you would add any others to the list.

1. “Fine” : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. “Five Minutes”: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. “Nothing”: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. “Go Ahead”: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. “That’s Okay”: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. “That’s okay” means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. “Thanks”: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome.

8. “Whatever”: Is a woman’s way of saying F*** YOU!

9. “Don’t worry about it, I got it”: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong? For the woman’s response refer to #3.

Helpful tips from your friendly neighborhood loveologist…