The Wrist Kiss

by Wendy Strgar November 06, 2007

It has been a while since we talked about the joy and wonder of sex itself… so it’s Monday, a cold and foggy one with darkness coming earlier. Yes, definitely a day to explore intimacy. Here are the facts leading up to this kiss… foreplay as we have called it, is actually the main play. It sets the tone for any and all orgasms that follow. It is the color of the love and the depth of connection that you get to share with the one you love. When I sell my love oils, one of the greatest selling points is that it extends your love time. Scent wakes up the sleepy, hard to access part of the brain that is wired for sex- so handy…

Anyway, back to the play… so it turns out in all these important sex polls that both men and women want more time before the act. Women say 20 minutes, men say 15- I’d say see if you can stretch it to 30. Here’s the thing, the longer you play, the better it is- during and after. Take your time, it is without question the best time of the whole day.

Ok, so here are a couple of techniques that might add some spice, fun and time to your before play. Start with the scent kiss… put on your partner’s favorite scent… ok, here I have to suggest love oils- scented with the true scents of essential oils…rub the oil into all the places you want your partner to kiss you. Be exotic. Start at your feet, say maybe, the curve of the ankle and work up from there. Let your partner sniff his way up your body, or do the honors yourself. To make it even more tantalizing- make it an inhale only tour. No mouth kissing, just inhaling you, or as my husband likes to say “smoking you”.

As the excitement builds, find your way back to the wrist. Have your lover find your pulse with his lips. This can go either way, or both. This tender encounter, of lips to pulse gets exciting fast. Keep your eyes open, and watch him, hold your life on his lips, watching you watch him…. Then find your lips, as I know you must and make that first kiss as slow and luxurious as you can. Just a hint of tongue, of what is to come.

There now, you are easily at 12 minutes and the standard foreplay hasn’t even started- forgive this cross advertising…in the love column, but I guarantee you that all kisses are better with love oil.

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It becomes hard to trust your own thinking when nothing seems to be working. The space between how I thought it would go and how it is going seems to widen in front of my eyes. Maybe most difficult of all is how often the undesirable outcomes around us spill over into our relationships, both at home and at work. An errant comment too easily turns into an argument. I become blind to my impact on people around me, caught up in the unresolved problems surrounding me. During times like these, we often underestimate the power of the choices we make and how it can create a path back towards what’s working or down the slippery slope of self-destruction, which my husband affectionately calls “flirting with the gutter.”

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Some of my most vivid memories of my early sex life are not of the satisfying post-coitus elated release, but the opposite. It is hard to forget the many years when sex was more a path of frustration than pleasure; when I was still figuring out how my body responded and why it often didn’t. In retrospect, I think it was my strong intention to find pleasure that kept me coming back to try again – of being willing to live inside the questions I had about pleasure even without many answers. 

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Three Easy Ways to Show Up for Your Life

by Wendy Strgar April 26, 2018

Most of us don’t realize how frequently we are checked out of our life. We struggle to stay present in the day-to-day with the never-ending onslaught of digital feeds and new devices that offer superficial connectivity at best, but we lose out on the true contact that feeds our soul and makes us human. More and more scientific research is showing how much we give up when we trade the voyeurism of social media for the real-time relating that makes us feel seen and heard. Even more disturbing is how we are losing the muscle memory to do the messy and gratifying work of truly showing up, risking our heart, and communicating. It is in the trenches of our life, in the mess of people’s feelings spilling over onto us that we are really connected and that we can offer our best self. Start today with one of these tips and see how different life can feel when you fully show up!

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