by Wendy Strgar October 05, 2006
Here is a new spin on an age old problem- Why does sex often become more tame and well, boring, over time as your relationship deepens? Or asked differently- why does illicit sex, whether it be cyber, vacation or a new partner often have so much more fire? This is the question that haunts most committed relationships- and no, it is not that you don’t have the right lingerie or a new or better vibrator…
The answer is more complex…vital relationships require the participation of two distinct and independent people. Yet the very differentiation that keeps relationships exciting is also the part of the relationship which can be most threatening. Often one or both people in the couple give up their own ideas, preferences and opinions in order to create harmony, or more often to avoid disagreement.
This watering down of self is the kiss of death in the bedroom. If you can’t speak up at the dinner table, how can you really expose yourself, let alone consider unleashing a fantasy on your partner. The risk of rejection looms larger than life.
There is no bigger risk that we can take in life than being ourselves and expecting to be loved. And there is no greater work than loving someone else as they are. But it is in this deep alchemy that passion is born and reborn. You might disagree, but the makeup sessions are worth fighting for, and better still, you end up with yourself.
by Wendy Strgar May 22, 2018
There is no time like long summer nights to cultivate our uniquely, profoundly human capacity for pleasure, especially sexual pleasure. Our pleasure response transforms our relationship to each other and even to life itself. Focusing on pleasure not only changes how we see our opportunities for intimate connection, but also invites us into a deeper relationship with our erotic soul.
by Wendy Strgar May 17, 2018
It becomes hard to trust your own thinking when nothing seems to be working. The space between how I thought it would go and how it is going seems to widen in front of my eyes. Maybe most difficult of all is how often the undesirable outcomes around us spill over into our relationships, both at home and at work. An errant comment too easily turns into an argument. I become blind to my impact on people around me, caught up in the unresolved problems surrounding me. During times like these, we often underestimate the power of the choices we make and how it can create a path back towards what’s working or down the slippery slope of self-destruction, which my husband affectionately calls “flirting with the gutter.”
Here is my short list to making it better when it isn’t working at all. Each one helps you do the next one, so start at the beginning and work your way down.
by Wendy Strgar May 03, 2018