Authentic sexual freedom means taking responsibility for our own sexual needs. It means moving beyond sexual anxiety and the erotic damage we may have experienced through our early mistakes and taking responsibility for what we want.
As we grow not only the courage to take ownership of our erotic preferences but also the skills to engage in sexual behavior that is consistently pleasurable, we re-educate ourselves and become more capable of better choices.
Sexual adulthood is characterized by the freedom of not waiting for someone else to make you feel sexy or give you permission to explore the range of your own sexual function. Real sexual freedom is so enticing because people who practice it are comfortable in themselves, comfortable with their own preferences, and comfortable being who they really are. This kind of sexual freedom, incidentally, also allows you to be truly responsive to the sexual needs of others, which makes people attractive partners—who tend to stay partnered.
Without understanding the vital connection between sexual freedom and personal responsibility, we can never reach the level of sexual maturity where we connect authentically and intimately with others. And without ever enjoying these intimate connections, we cannot experience the full range of our feelings, including the amazing pleasure sensations our bodies are capable of having.
One practice that will help you build your sense of sexual freedom is creating your own sexual health curriculum. Start by making a list of three or four burning questions you have always had about your own sexual response but never had the nerve to ask anyone. Allow yourself the freedom to ask anything. Don’t be surprised if your questions are linked to your deepest fears about your ability to perform or respond sexually. Your questions are the keys to learning that you have needed.
Once you can name your questions and fears, finding answers and help to work through them is easier than it has ever been.
A few resources that we recommend for sexual health education include:
- https://kinseyinstitute.org/research/faq.php
- https://www.aasect.org/referral-directory
- https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn
- https://www.iwannaknow.org
- https://powertodecide.org/sexual-health
